Farewell, my lovelies … ha ha ha … or be seeing you … I hope … on this blog.
Finally, for what it’s worth, here’s the end of my young adult novel, which is totally not a spoiler. I hope my writers group doesn’t think it sucks too much. Here goes:
So that’s all I got. If you’re looking for some sort of moral, I couldn’t tell you what it is. Don’t follow strange boys riding on buses? Don’t lie to your parents? Don’t do stupid things just to be accepted? Feel free to take your pick.
I guess the point is that we all have to make choices. Up until three years ago, I never really had to live with mine. I was always moving from one place to another, so I didn’t have to choose to be anything anywhere. However, things changed, once we settled here and I had to decide who my real friends were.
I’ve heard we are the sum total of our choices. I’ve never been sure exactly what that meant until now. I’d like to think I add up to someone worth knowing.
Life is like a weird, crazy movie. It’s totally like that novel, The Sound and the Fury. Have you ever read it? If not, I’ll save you the trouble.
It starts out as gibberish – a tale told by a true idiot. Half the time, you have no idea what’s going on. Slowly, the pieces come together. And just as it all starts to make some kind of sense, it ends – inconclusively. That’s it. You’re welcome.
THE END
So … should I take a bow? Ha ha ha …
Be seeing you, I hope.
UPDATE: They liked it! My writer’s group liked the story. In fact, I know what I must do to make it even better.
Anyway, for those of you who don’t know who Tim Berners-Lee is, where the hell have you been he’s the awesome genius who invented the World Wide Web.
I’ve always chalked whatever success I’ve had as a writer of any sort to the great access to information and communication abilities we enjoy, due to the World Wide Web’s existence.
So … my first order of business, if I were to receive any kind of award or honor for my writing would be to thank Tim Berners-Lee for making it possible to publish anything online.
That means every business that depends upon online technology should be thanking Sir Tim, for making their businesses possible. Most businesses these days have an online presence of some sort. So … pretty much everyone should take their hats off to Sir Tim Berners-Lee. Especially technology companies that are in the business of distributing authors’ content, plus a whole lot more than that.
I’ve attended their plays and musicals. They’re an awesome theatre group. Here’s more info about them:
During 2012 Red Branch Theatre will become the new home of two great theatrical organizations, Drama Learning Center and Red Branch Theatre Company.
Drama Learning Center (DLC) has brought the magic of the stage to people of all ages by providing theatre education and entertainment in Howard County for over 20 years. DLC remains committed to helping others discover the excitement of the stage while discovering the magic within themselves. DLC offers a variety of programs that appeal to students of different ages and interests taught by experienced theatrical professionals. Click here to visit the DLC website.
Red Branch Theatre Company has been entertaining theatre-goers since 2008. The company strives to bring together artists and audiences in the Baltimore-Washington community and beyond by providing theatrical productions that are exciting, affordable, powerful and thought provoking. Red Branch Theatre Company produces 4-5 shows each season featuring a mix of family and adult themes. Click here to visit the Red Branch Theatre Company website.
“The frontier of the unknown can never do more than scratch the surface of eternally unknowable infinity.” — H. P. Lovecraft, August 20, 1890 – March 15, 1937
Hi there! Honestly, after this weekend, that headline really does sum it up. And, if you want to know the details, you’ll simply have to click on the link, because I’m way too gimpybusy a really lazy bastard. Ah ha ha ha …
So … today I managed to finish a review. Plus, I wrote more words in the shitty first draft of the chapter of the medical book, giving my perspective as a stroke survivor with dystonia. I’m sure you want to know what they are, right? If not, go read another blog. Now! Ha ha ha …
I promise not to bore you with my shitty first draft anymore, after this, okay? I just thought there were some funny parts in this one.
Okay … here we go:
In trying to sum up my feelings about being a stroke survivor dealing day-to-day with dystonia, the first image that came to mind was of Gregor the cockroach in Franz Kafka’s novel, The Metamorphosis. As if my life had turned into an eternal struggle to understand that there simply was no justice in the universe.
I think this must be the way all survivors of life’s calamities must feel. Having to bear physical disability as a result seemed like salt rubbed into the wound. On top of which, this disability directly affected my means of making a living and my greatest passion, i.e., writing.
When you suffer an illness, you normally expect medical treatment to provide relief of some sort. With dystonia, I came to realize that the medical profession didn’t have an adequate treatment plan or even an adequate day-to-day medical management plan to address all of the various problems, including the physical, mental and emotional damage caused by my condition.
The difficulty of dealing with this was compounded by the fact that no one really noticed I was suffering. So, I often felt unable to communicate my grief.
Nonetheless, I didn’t want to be defined by my disability. I wanted to simply live and work. Certainly I wasn’t looking for pity. But an acknowledgement of my suffering would have been nice.
After I had my stroke, my recovery seemed so miraculous. I remember walking around the CCU, feeling so blessed. But then I looked at all the bed-ridden patients around me, and I felt so horrible.
After I had my stroke, I suffered a period where I couldn’t sleep at all, along with a great deal of emotional lability, which is the tendency to react emotionally to the slightest thing. So, when I’d go to the hospital for rehab for the minor deficits at that time, I’d actually cry if I heard an announcement of a Code Blue or need for CPR.
Mind you, I wasn’t exactly wet behind the ears when this happened. I was a practicing attorney for nine years. And I knew from experience that horrible things happen when people make the wrong choices. I also knew that life wasn’t fair from growing up poor.
My family didn’t live in a nice white neighborhood with a white picket fence around the house. And my Dad was a writer, who wasn’t always there for us. But he always encouraged me to be a writer. So, that was my therapy. I found solace in my work.
At the time I had my stroke, I was a freelance writer and I’d just signed a contract to have my first novel published. While I was in the hospital, my husband had to cancel a speaking engagement I was supposed to attend. In addition, I had a deadline to submit a monthly article. I was released from the hospital, seemingly unharmed by the stroke. So, when I got home, I got in touch with my editor and asked for an extension, because I’d had a stroke. She asked me if I’d rather have someone else write it instead, but I refused. I told her I could do it, if I could just get a little more time to turn it in.
[Blogger's note: at this point, I started laughing so hard, I almost couldn't go on. Imagine calling your editor and saying, "Hey, can I get an extension? I've had a stroke." Ha ha ha ...]
I could have easily accepted her offer, but to be honest, I was afraid of being replaced. When you’re a freelancer, you need to be dependable. I didn’t want my editor to think my health had been compromised. As far as I knew, I had recovered from the stroke and I was going to be fine. Needless to say, that didn’t turn out to be the case. I had the rug pulled out from under me five or six months later when I developed symptoms of dystonia in my left hand and foot (the side affected by the stroke).
My first response was to seek treatment from the neurologist who’d evaluated me after I left the hospital. She diagnosed my condition and recommended I see a movement disorder specialist, and engage in physical therapy.
All this time, I was still freelancing and writing fiction. I poured myself into my work, because I was getting so little relief from medical treatments. And it’s hard to simply relax and enjoy life, when your body is constantly moving against your will.
While my movement disorder physician was a most empathetic person and I felt lucky to have her as a doctor, my physical therapists seemed relatively clueless about my condition and state of mind. One even took this weird tone with me, when I asked, “Will this ever get better?”
Her response was, “You’ve had nerve damage.” And she said it so matter-of-factly that I felt like an idiot for asking. Then, I wanted to slap her silly, because no one should talk to a suffering person like that. Least of all a person who’s treating suffering people.
To make matters worse, my first novel went out-of-print nine months after it was published when the small press that released it went out of business. Talk about having the rug pulled out from under you.
At first, my treatment consisted of Botox injections, some medications, and physical therapy, until the physical therapists basically threw up their hands and said they couldn’t do any more for me. As if they’d done anything for me in the first place. Pretty funny, huh?
The Botox injections are a less-than-ideal treatment for my problem. The toxin weakens the muscles in my hands and arms, so my fingers end up even less controllable. After the shots, instead of clenching, my fingers hang limp and useless from my hand. My grip is a joke. Except not entirely. Parts of my hand still clench. It’s weird. Dystonia is weird. Right now, as I type this, the left side of my hand is limp and the right side is clenching like crazy.
And I deal with this every single day of my life. For the rest of my life. And I’m a writer. Not fun.
Needless to say, I wasn’t a very happy camper. The only thing I could think to do was laugh at my calamities, because I was so ridiculous. And my life was so ridiculous, so I began blogging about my life as a writer shortly before I self-published my first novel. I called the blog, “My Life on the Mid-List” in homage to Kathy Griffin.
Well, so far, so good. Now, I just have to write about 7 times more words and I’ll be done with the shitty first draft. Nothing to it. Ha ha ha …
Oh, BTW, have I mentioned?
It’s official! Available in print from Renegade Press. (That’s my press!) I just got my copies in the mail today.
Please, pretty please, click on the image to see the awesome words beneath my name. Yay!
Didn’t get to the young adult novel. But there’s time for that. Priorities.
I hope you all have a nice Fourth of July! We’ll probably stay home, because the fireworks are so crowded, and I don’t really feel like dragging my gimpy ass to a horribly crowded fireworks display.
We’ll probably stay home, watch Perry Mason and (if we’re really lucky) listen to our drunk neighbor come outside and yell, “Happy birthday, America!” That’ll be way more fun.
On that note, I’d like to share this video I stumbled across about John Lydon that truly intrigued me. Enjoy!
PPS: I’m such a fucking moron, I totally forgot to mention that all my books are half off in July on Smashwords. Click here to access the books and enter SSW50 to get the discount. Let’s pretend this is a real postscript and not an update, okay? Ha ha ha …
PPPS: Let’s pretend this never happened, too. RIP, Posey.
Here’s the thing. I’m an indie author, not an isolationist. And I take writing seriously.
I won’t publish anything until I feel it’s ready. In other words, I don’t believe in publishing books as fast as possible, simply to make a quick buck. Or to polish a turd and pass it off as gold. Understand?
And I can only write and market so much, because I’m only human.
But I am really happy to announce that I’ve managed to pull this off publish RIPTIDE in print. Hurray!
Please click on the cover to see the awesome words.
Lightning Source informs me it will list with online retailers within a week or two. So keep an eye out, okay?
I’m so glad I’m a happy fool, I’ll skip the part about how much I wept this morning thinking, “Not another day trying to be happy!”.
BTW, Sasscer Hill really knows how to blog. Check this post out. Remind you of anyone? Ha ha ha …
Sasscer Hill at Colonial Downs
I’ll quote one of the awesome parts:
“Hey, do you read mysteries,” I called out to a woman who’d just come through the main entrance and was clutching a free cupcake voucher.
“Not really,” she said. “But do you know where they have the cupcakes?”
Ha ha ha … see?
I used to do this shit, too. Before I became so gimpyoverwhelmedridiculous happy. Ha ha ha …
Me with a shit-eating grin, a book in my good hand and a hidden, gimpy hand.
Incidentally, I not only finished my monthly column, an idea I stole nikked (sp?) from Laura Lippman totally, but I actually wrote more words for that chapter providing the personal perspective of a stroke survivor in continual recovery.
Now, this is totally a shitty first draft, but I thought it might lend some insight into my life as a writer with dystonia. I hope.
There’s a whole lot more that needs to be written, but it’s a start, right?
So … here we go:
In trying to sum up my feelings about being a stroke survivor dealing day-to-day with dystonia, the first image that came to mind was of Gregor the cockroach in Franz Kafka’s novel, The Metamorphosis. As if my life had turned into an eternal struggle to understand that there simply was no justice in the universe.
I think this must be the way all survivors of life’s calamities must feel. Having to bear physical disability as a result seemed like salt rubbed into the wound. On top of which, this disability directly affected my means of making a living and my greatest passion, i.e., writing.
When you suffer an illness, you normally expect medical treatment to provide relief of some sort. With dystonia, I came to realize that the medical profession didn’t have an adequate treatment plan or even an adequate day-to-day medical management plan to address all of the various problems, including the physical, mental and emotional damage caused by my condition.
The difficulty of dealing with this was compounded by the fact that no one really noticed I was suffering. So, I often felt unable to communicate my grief.
Nonetheless, I didn’t want to be defined by my disability. I wanted to simply live and work. Certainly I wasn’t looking for pity. But an acknowledgement of my suffering would have been nice.
After I had my stroke, my recovery seemed so miraculous. I remember walking around the CCU, feeling so blessed. But then I looked at all the bed-ridden patients around me, and I felt so horrible.
After I had my stroke, I suffered a period where I couldn’t sleep at all, along with a great deal of emotional lability, which is the tendency to react emotionally to the slightest thing. So, when I’d go to the hospital for rehab for the minor deficits at that time, I’d actually cry if I heard an announcement of a Code Blue or need for CPR.
Mind you, I wasn’t exactly wet behind the ears when this happened. I was a practicing attorney for nine years. And I knew from experience that horrible things happen when people make the wrong choices. I also knew that life wasn’t fair from growing up poor.
My family didn’t live in a nice white neighborhood with a white picket fence around the house. And my Dad was a writer, who wasn’t always there for us. But he always encouraged me to be a writer. So, that was my therapy. I found solace in my work.
At the time I had my stroke, I was a freelance writer and I’d just had my first novel published, by a small press that went out of business. Talk about having the rug pulled out from under you. How many times?
Needless to say, I wasn’t a very happy camper. The only thing I could think to do was laugh at my calamities, because I was so ridiculous. And my life was so ridiculous, so I began blogging about my life as a writer shortly before I self-published my first novel. I called the blog, “My Life on the Mid-List” in homage to Kathy Griffin.
Plus, I managed to finish reading the chapters for my writers group tonight. And write a few more words for my YA novel! So, I win and the cosmos hasn’t killed me yet. Ha ha ha …
PPS: Let’s overlook the low-flying irony of this, as well as this, okay? Ha ha ha … #iamfoolish
PPPS: This looks like a really awesome Kickstarter project: Adventure Wear. I think we should all seek adventures. Live while you can. Death comes soon enough. I wanted to go back to bed this morning so much, but I couldn’t. I’ll sleep when I’m dead. And I want to live.
So, on that note, and because I really am a huge fan of The Who …
I even thought of starting an all-female version of that band way back in the day, and was encouraged to do so by my dead friend.
Hi, there! Ha ha ha … yeah, I only wish. The actual woman who inspired that poster dropped deaddiedexpired passed away a long time ago. In fact, I wrote this post about her. Isn’t that interesting?
So … on Friday, after (to put it mildly) a rough day, I posted this on another blog.
On Saturday morning, while I was eating breakfast, I happened to catch this movie. It’s a film noir. Basically, Barbara Stanwyck makes all the wrong choices in order to help her husband or herself — one or the other. Ha ha ha …
It’s called Crime of Passion. Everyone should see this movie as soon as possible. Because it’s crucial to make the right choices.
Now, I’d really love if everyone simply clicked on the link, but since many of you won’t, I’ll copy and paste the pertinent part. So … here we go. Again!
As metaphors go, it’s a pretty horrible one. But it sure beats the hell out of this one. Ha ha ha …
And, fortunately, I’m a happy fool. So I can laugh at my own calamities. Ha ha ha … #iamfoolish
Having said that, I’ve tried to point out that Amazon has been moving toward monopolizing the market ever since I posted this. Frankly, I suspect that’s been the plan all along, I just didn’t realize it.
So … when I chose not to be part of Amazon’s KDP Select program, it was with the hope that this would give other retailers and publishers a fighting chance, because we all benefit as consumers and authors from having multiple choices and income streams, right?
It was a choice made knowing that I couldn’t in good conscience talk out of both sides of my mouth, by supporting indie bookstores here and lending support to the company that sought to put them out of business.
I’m many things, but I’m not a hypocrite.
So Not Me!
If I were the amazing Bloggess, I’d Photoshop a line through that image. Unfortunately, I’m too technically stupid to do that.
Shit, with a hand like this, I’m lucky I can type this post.
And I always wondered about the picture with the curlers. Now, we know the story. Thanks, Jenny. Awesome! #furiouslyhappy
But I digress. Not really. The point is that authors, publishers and booksellers need to look toward the mighty Bloggess, who knows how to use the Internet. This lady rocks the Internet like no one’s business.
Anyhow, as I was saying, when I was at Malice, I even spoke to Lee Goldberg, an Amazon author who’s part of their A-list with a multi-book deal, about the future of bookstores and how indie bookstores fit into the picture.
And Lee and some other authors seemed to think that indie booksellers would just see the light or something and carry Amazon books. And I’m thinking, Now, why the fuck would they do that? What economic voodoo justifies such a decision? But I simply listened and nodded and thought that publishing was a fucked up business model that needed fixing and until that happened, it stood no hope.
And, as I recall, Lee Goldberg called himself “the luckiest Jew in the world” at Malice. I think there’s a joke in there somewhere, but I don’t want to make it. Ha ha ha #iamfoolish
Why is this man smiling?
Mind you, I’m not a mind reader, but I don’t think this man offered money to authors simply out of the goodness of his heart. Do you? This man is a business man, whose ruthless tactics have been justified by the authors he’s been “kind” enough to publish. Ha ha ha …
Perhaps he’s thinking, “Wow. All I have to do is throw some spare change to a bunch of lazy authors. And they’ll scoop it up, and I’ll take over publishing. And then I’ll do whatever I want.” Ha ha ha …
“Yeah, they’ll scramble for the money, because I’ll be in charge. They’ll scramble like cockroaches over each other for the crumbs I throw them.” Ha ha ha …
In fact, the metaphor that came to mind to describe having dystonia was being like Gregor in that Kafka novel, Metamorphosis. Being helpless, on your back, legs waving in the air. Thinking, “This isn’t fair! Why me?”
Meanwhile, I’m really quietly freaking out looking forward to pulling off Operation Doofus, which I should mention includes Ireland and the UK. I want to meet everyone all over, but I’m way too gimpylazy tired to type all your names. But I thought I would make a special mention of Stephen Leather, as he was one of the first authors I got to know over there! Ha ha ha … Over there! Get it? Ha ha ha … #iamfoolish
Authors, the Kobo self-publishing platform is coming soon. Sign up here!
I don’t believe it. For once I agree with Gina Barreca, except for that bit at the end about Kindles and Nooks. Or am I kidding myself? Again. Ha ha ha … #iamfoolish
If I weren’t so gimpy busy trying to make a living as a writer, I’d visit these islands more often. I love to watch birds from my porch, but sometimes it’s all I can do just to write a decent blog post, let alone my novels.
“This isn’t about limiting competition,” said Gerard Boarman, part owner of North Ridge Wine and Spirits in Ellicott City. “This about allowing a grocery store, chain store, box store, whatever you want to call it to have a liquor license.”
PS: David Wayne, I’m really not famous, even though I’m a New York Times ebook bestselling author. But I’m alive and moving and that’s what matters. And I’m going to Ireland and the UK, if it freaking kills me. And it will be awesome.
PPS: Last night, we watched a little Perry Mason and a bunch of old Dick Tracy short films, which made me laugh like crazy.
And, if we’re feeling up to it, we might watch this film. One of my very favorites that my husband introduced me to, so many years ago.
Ha ha ha …
I love that scene. I also love this one.
I must admit, the first time I saw this I recoiled a bit. Then, I thought, hey, he’s a Nazi lover. He chose wrongly. So … he just has to pay the price, doesn’t he? And he’s trying to kill Richard Burton. For Pete’s sake. Now, how fucked up is that? So … clearly, this man must die screaming. Too bad, huh?
Ha ha ha … #iamfoolish
PPS: To one of my most awesome supporters and readers, Paul Downie, thank you so much!
I’ll quote myself, because I can’t believe I wrote this:
This also got me to thinking that if I’d never had the stroke and developed dystonia, I might never have organized a fundraiser. Which means I might never have known my own capabilities.
So, maybe good things came out of my bad situation. And everything that’s happened — being a fiction writer, having a stroke, organizing a fundraiser, self-publishing — everything in my life was meant to lead up to this point. Or not.
OMFG!!!!
So things have been a bit surreal (via Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar), to say the least.
Plus I’m still hoping like hell to get this book published in print by month’s end.
Pray for me. Here’s hoping, eh?
UPDATE: Holy shit! It’s Lawrence Block’s birthday. Happy birthday, Lawrence Block!!!
UPDATE 2: I almost forgot to mention that because of Where Eagles Dare, I nearly chose this image as my Facebook avatar.
The Awesome Mary Ure
Mary Ure was so awesome in that movie. She got Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood inside the castle. And she got to fire guns at the Nazis. Plus she had to walk through the snow without an electrically-heated suit. All by herself. After jumping out of a plane.
And if this makes no fucking sense, you need to see this movie, as soon as possible. Trust me, you won’t regret it. It’s got explosions and Richard Burton and Clint Eastwood and Mary Ure, and they’re all awesome!
Well, for good or ill, that same image is taken on Facebook in a fan page devoted to Mary Ure. So, I pretend to be Mrs. Peel on Facebook. For now.
Hi there! I just happened to notice that it’s Flag Day. I wasn’t planning to have a big fancy celebration, actually. Not that I don’t love my country. I do, but I don’t have to hire a band or hold a party for the flag to prove I love my country, you know?
But I digress …
My point is that I forgot to mention one other thing that good old Barry Eisler failed to bring up, when I wrote this post.
Professor Kingsfield would be sooo disappointed. He’d no doubt say, “Ms. Mack, you didn’t come prepared. Here’s a dime. Go call your mother and tell her that you just don’t have what it takes to be a soldierauthorbloggerpublisher lawyer.” Or whatever. Ha ha ha …
The Justice Department is conducting a wide-ranging antitrust investigation into whether cable companies are acting improperly to quash nascent competition from online video, according to people familiar with the matter.
Justice Department officials have spoken to several online video providers, including Netflix Inc. NFLX -0.27% and Hulu LLC, those people said. Investigators have also questioned Comcast Corp., CMCSA +2.43%Time Warner Cable Inc. TWC +1.17% and other cable companies about issues such as setting data caps, limits to the amount of data a subscriber can download each month, these people said.
Representatives of all those companies and the Justice Department declined to comment on the investigation.
Cable companies provide both television channels and high-speed Internet access for many consumers in the U.S. With broadband Internet, consumers can watch individual programs or channels through online video services like Netflix, Hulu or Amazon, bypassing the cable company’s traditional bundles of channels.
Having invested billions of dollars building their networks, some pay-TV companies have shown little inclination to get out of the business of packaging television channels and become mere conduits for other companies’ data. Some major entertainment companies also have an interest in preserving the current model of television viewing because they want cable companies to take bundles of their channels, rather than just cherry-picking the most popular ones.
The Justice Department probe highlights how the shifts in decades-old patterns of television viewing are shaking the tightly regulated industry. Decisions in Washington could play a role in determining how quickly the new video services spread and what form they take.
Already the Justice Department’s Antitrust Division has jolted another fast-growing Internet industry, e-book publishing, by bringing a lawsuit alleging that publishers and Apple Inc. AAPL -0.10% colluded to fix prices. In April, several publishers settled the charges while Apple and other publishers continue to fight the suit.
Interesting, isn’t it? Especially since Amazon is getting into filmmaking and TV programming and Netflix and all that stuff. But I guess the Justice Department didn’t come prepared for class must have missed the connection somehow.
The Justice Department also is investigating the contracts that programmers sign in order to be distributed on cable systems. Some contracts include so-called most-favored nation clauses, which make programmers give the biggest cable companies the best price they are offering anywhere, among other conditions. The Justice Department is questioning whether there are legitimate business reasons for such terms or whether they are intended to stop programmers from experimenting with other forms of online distribution, a person familiar with the matter said.
Most-favored-nation clauses are also an issue in the e-books case, where Apple sought to ensure that publishers gave the Apple online bookstore the best price available.
Attorney General Eric Holder on Tuesday suggested he had sympathy for those who want to “cut the cord” rather than paying for cable channels they don’t watch. At a Senate hearing, Sen. Al Franken (D., Minn.) said cable bills are “out of control” and consumers want to watch TV and movies online. Mr. Holder responded, “I would be one of those consumers.”
Mr. Holder, here’s a dime. I suggest you call your mother and tell her the Justice Department doesn’t know what the fuck it’s doing.
Meanwhile, I’m working like a dog really hard to get the print edition of RIPTIDE published this month. Honest!
In gratitude and acknowledgement to Paul for all his kind support, here’s a song I remember fondly from way back when, which he posted on his blog.
And to all my subscribers and frequent readers, thank you SO much! Hopefully, there will be no updates, because I’m a lazy bastard. Ah ha ha ha …
So, I clicked on the link and thought, “Yeah, right Oh, goody! Please, I want to learn more!”
And here’s what HanBarryAmazon the article says (and I quote):
It’s inspiring when a successful author goes out of his way to help others in the craft of writing. Barry Eisler is one of those good guys.
Though he’d probably rather be known as one baaad dude.
He’s a one-time CIA operative, a judo black belt and an intellectual property attorney, who’s also a bestselling writer of political thrillers in a seven-book series featuring a freelance assassin, the latest one titled The Detachment.
Wow! That’s impressive. Did you know that I’m also an attorney. And a New York Times bestselling author. But does that really matter anymore? Ha ha ha … Yes, the cosmic joke is on me, isn’t it? Or is it?
Eisler speaks regularly at writers conferences and offers a treasure trove of resources for writers on his own website. He’s also famous for turning down a $500K advance from his publisher to go with Amazon. This fellow thinks for himself.
Oh, really? I also speak at as many writers conferences as I can afford to attend. I also share resources for writers on this blog. And, we’ll see who thinks for herself and who doesn’t, okay?
I saw him in action at the Grub Street Muse & the Marketplace conference in Boston last month where he spoke at length on how to write better and get published. Eisler’s a charismatic and flamboyant public speaker – charming, funny, articulate. He literally leapt around the room, flinging aside drapes and throwing open all the windows to the frigid air.
“People shut the windows and close the curtains when they want to sleep,” Eisler said, sounding like the exasperated parent of a recalcitrant child.
However, I’ve managed to grit my teeth and give this presentation.
Now, despite the fact that I’m constantly squashing my hand against my thigh and my shoe is in imminent danger of falling off, due to the constant need to press both against something to counteract the clenching, I manage to say things that seem to make some sort of sense. In fact, people have told me they found my advice helpful. So, that’s awesome.
As a result, I have a tendency to embed this video a lot in my blog, because it saves me a whole lot of typing. In fact, I can barely find the strength to type this post.
But, I’m doing this because I want authors and readers to wake up!
On learning the craft of writing
There is always craft behind the art, Eisler said. “And craft must be learned if you want to be an artist.”
He thinks one of the best ways to improve your craft is to read like a writer.
“Read first for pleasure, then reread to see why it works so well,” Eisler said. “Discern if something’s good or bad and why. If it’s good, what works so well? If it’s bad, figure out how you would fix it.”
For example, Eisler says, “An opening sentence that just describes the setting is just a still life.” The opening he describes as “the most masterful” he’s ever come across is from the historical thriller The Key to Rebecca by Ken Follett:
“The last camel collapsed at noon.”
Yeah, and my interest in Barry’s advice collapsed at this point.
Barry went on to provide a list, which he called “Barry Eisler’s Rules of Craft.” And I must say that for an intellectual property lawyer, you have one huge set of balls claiming ownership of rules as elemental and timeless as 1) show don’t tell; 2) engage all senses; 3) keep writing 4) read books on writing; and 5) ask “what if?” — boy, those are really original rules. Thanks so much for sharing these, Barry!
Eisler was adamant about the value of working with a professional editor.
“Of course I need an editor,” Eisler said. “All writers need editors.”
Eisler is one of the best-known authors to take on the traditional book industry, and is a strategic player in the complex and often devious game of book publishing today. In March of last year, Barry made big news by turning down a $500K advance from St. Martins/Macmillan to instead make a profit-sharing deal with Amazon. His decision was widely reported as a tipping point for a struggling book business flummoxed by the thriving self-publishing movement.
Eisler can get really steamed up on the subject of self-publishing, eBooks vs. paper, the future of traditional publishing, and what he sees as the true phenomenon and impact of Amazon.
Now, Barry. One must keep a cool head when presenting a case. Didn’t they teach you that in law school? Professor Kingsfield would be soooo disappointed.
At Grub Street in Boston, speaking at a session about Amazon and publishing Eisler said, “The Big 6 Legacy publishers are a cartel – OK, let’s call them a club – that pays royalties in lockstep, and reports them in byzantine statements.” Moreover, Eisler added, the consistent lack of competition resulted in no innovation in the past two or three decades.
Here’s Eisler’s bottom line on getting published, from his website’s section called For Writers :
“All writers think of what they do as an art. Smart writers understand that writing is also a business. Really smart writers see themselves also as entrepreneurs.”
Writing the book is only the first step. “You are now running a company (albeit a sole proprietorship), and your company is responsible not only for creating the product, but also for marketing, branding, and selling it.”
Gee, Barry, really? What have I been saying? Twice. In fact, I say it a lot of times on this blog, and I’d embed each link, except no one cares and I’m way too gimpy.
Paper and print books are becoming a niche market for people born before the advent of e-book readers like Kindle, the iPad, and the Nook.
“The question isn’t, will paper disappear? Did firearms eliminate the bow and arrow? No–some enthusiasts still hunt with a bow. Did the automobile eliminate the horse and buggy? No–I can still get a buggy ride around Central Park if I want.”
Publishing houses as we know them today are probably doomed. They’re still selling paper, an increasingly expensive commodity that requires millions of trees, huge warehouses, complex and expensive shipping, storage, returns.
Oh, dear. Here’s where the curtains come crashing down on your own argument, Barry. You’ve signed a deal with Amazon, right? And that deal includes print distribution. So … this isn’t about ebooks versus print at all, is it?
Amazon has initiated a broad variety of self-publishing programs for everything from grandma’s recipes to substantial books of quality literature by serious and often previously successful authors, thereby establishing a direct route from writer to reader without the need for gatekeepers or intermediaries.
You can read more on Eisler’s website, from an incendiary conversation with Joe Konrath in a 150 page pdf called Be the Monkey.
Which is what led to this horrible realization. That if Amazon became the only publisher, it would also be the one and only gatekeeper.
BTW, Barry, you were betrayed by the indiscreet words of one of your own. An author accepted into your A-list fold, who said (essentially), Thank God I don’t have to be a mid-list author, anymore. Now, I have an Amazon contract and I’ll get my promotional and marketing support from them.
On that note, let’s end with an awesome video from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar that made me feel joy, for all sorts of reasons.
PS: Regarding the question in this tweet, maybe it’s because authors have been fooled convinced by you and Konrath into thinking that Amazon is where they must list their books in order to succeed.
So … after writing this post with such care you’d think I was going for a Pulitzer Prize, I rose today and did my usual morning walk and a lot of stuff too boring to type with my horrible fingers.
And I worked more on my crowdsourcing project description. The damn thing sings, if I do say so. And I just did. Well, I write so. Whatever.
Plus I wrote even more words on the young adult novel. Yippee!
Then, I realized that this is Dystonia Awareness Week. We dystoniacs get a whole freaking week to make you (officially) aware.
So, here’s a post I did on another blog about that. Please — pretty please — click the link, so you can be more aware, too. And the blog will get more traffic.
MOTION TO VACATE ORDER AND APPOINT MEDIATOR IN USA V. APPLE, INC. ET AL.
May it please the court of public opinion, I, Stephanie Ann “Sam” McRae, representing the author Debbi Mack, hereby seek to intervene in this litigation for purposes of filing a motion to vacate this order and appoint a mediator to resolve the dispute.
In support of this motion, I submit the following evidence and assertions:
Mack later learned that, in order for an ebook to qualify for the New York Times list, it must sell in large enough numbers through more than one retailer, which her book IDENTITY CRISIS did;
The court’s decision, for all intents and purposes, finds the allegations strongly suggest a horizontal conspiracy, which would require all publishers to participate in order to create a genuine cartel;
Amazon is a publisher and a retailer, as well as a technology company;
Amazon not did not participate in the alleged conspiracy, thus not all publishers participated in it;
Mack also submits the Shatzkin Letter to support her contention that the publishing business is screwy as hell needs to adapt to changing times quickly;
The publishing business is so fucked up weird, it requires all the affected parties to adapt to changes due to technology, which would include not only publishers, but bookstores;
She also submits the Wired Magazine article to support her contention that we should all be shitting our collective pants acting quickly as possible to reach agreement for positive change;
Exhibit A
Finally, I beg the court’s indulgence for the belated nature of this motion. My client has nothing but lame excuses to offer, and babbles on blogs like a fool about her epiphanies. But she’s trying her best to keep me in existence, so what choice do I have?.
So, given all the facts, I’m sure you want to see justice done for all the parties concerned …
Right. I hereby request the order in this case be stricken and that a mediator be appointed, so the parties to the publishing business can figure out what the fuck they’re doing how to run an effective business, so authors and readers can continue to be able to choose their own devices, so to speak.
Respectfully submitted,
Stephanie Ann “Sam” McRae, Esq.
PS: Here’s a message to my bad author who wrote that part where I had the crap beaten out of me in that bestselling novel of yours. Thanks a whole lot, shithead.
Me: Well, I guess that proves the old maxim: An attorney who represents herself (albeit through her own fictional character) has a fool for a client.
As the post points out (to wit): “Available for 99 cents TODAY is the Kindle edition of Identity Crisis by Debbi Mack (Click here for UK purchase). Why not check this mystery out?”
Wow! That’s a really great question. Here’s another one. Why not check out any of my 99 cent books, including my latest novel RIPTIDE?
Microsoft Corp co-founder Paul Allen has donated an additional $300 million to a foundation aimed at expanding research into how the brain works and how best to treat brain-related disorders.
The Allen Institute for Brain Science, based in Seattle, was established with a 2003 contribution of $100 million from the former Microsoft executive, who then donated another $100 million.
The latest contribution of $300 million will support the first four years of a 10-year plan to address critical questions about how the brain works.
Allen Jones, the institute’s chief executive officer, said the questions had to be answered if we are to understand and treat autism, Alzheimer’s disease, depression, traumatic brain injury and the myriad other brain-related diseases and disorders that affect all of us either directly or indirectly.”
You know, I darn near wept for joy when I read that.
PS: Everyone’s asking, “Who’s Karen Wright?” Why aren’t they asking, “Who sent the package?” “Where did it come from?” Is it postmarked Seattle? Or, um, Chicago? Hmm …
"Midlist is a term in the publishing industry which refers to books which are not bestsellers but are strong enough to economically justify their publication (and likely, further purchases of future books from the same author). The vast majority of total titles published are midlist titles, though they represent a much smaller fraction of total book sales, which are dominated by bestsellers and other very popular titles. Authors who consistently publish acceptable but not bestselling books are referred to as Midlist authors." ~ Wikipedia
Well, I think it’s time to drop the proverbial curtain on the show, as it were. Ha ha ha …
