Hi there! It’s becoming painfully clear that this blog must be archived. It won’t be deleted. It will be preserved. As an example of … whatever. How to be a doofus? Ha ha ha … I don’t know.
I’m not shutting it down just yet. This is just an early warning that subscribers might want to switch over to this blog, where I posted something today.
Most of the interesting links are over there, except these …
You can get copies of my novels if you make a tax-deductible contribution to my campaign! Awesome, yes? Please act swiftly. The deadline for meeting my $1,000 goal is Dec. 21. Any support in terms on RTs, FB or Google+ shares would be greatly appreciated.
BTW, I did manage to write a shitty first draft of the special acknowledgment section of the new edition of IDENTITY CRISIS. Here it is:
SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
No one gets anywhere in life without help from others. I’ve always felt lucky to have such a wonderful husband, family and friends. However, I’m starting to think maybe we choose wisely and that makes all the difference.
When I decided to self-publish this book, I never intended to make a living as a self-published author. However, things have changed and now I think it’s possible to do so. However, if you’re going to do it, you need to establish yourself as an author, in order to create a meaningful readership.
I’d like to thank the following people for providing early financial support for this edition of the book: Mac Cassity, Edward Adams, Debra Hoover-McDonald, Nancy Mack for herself and on behalf of Joyce Mack, Rick Iacangelo on behalf of Mary Louise Iacangelo, Karen McQuestion.
Now, this is just a shitty first draft, but you get the idea, right?
I’ll double-check to make sure all the names are named, of course.
Well … there is one unacknowledged name that bears mention. Jack Bludis always asks about him. Oh … what’s his name?
Bob Broomall! Right! Thank you, Bob. If you hadn’t told me that first novel (my “practice novel”) about Sam was “publishable”, I might never have believed any of this was possible.
As my funny sister would say, I think it’s a “highly punishable” story, and I’m in the process of punishing the shit out of it. Ha ha ha …
And finally thank you to everyone reading this. To quote paraphrase myself:
I just want to thank everyone who’s reading this. All my subscribers and frequent readers, because you’re so awesome for putting up with all my bullsh*t ridiculous posts. Even you casual readers who’ve stopped by, simply because the headline caught your eye or whatever. I’m grateful for the patronage of any other Internet hobos like myself. #gratitude
This has been a really lousybusyweird unusual week year full of epiphanies for me. So, I’d like to end the week this post with what I hope will be a really awesome gesture.
So … here’s a video I was lucky enough to get found on Twitter …
… and here’s another one.
I think they’re both awesome. I hope you enjoy them.
A long time ago, when I was practicing law, I saw this movie. I’ve never forgotten it. It always reminded me of where I came from and how people misunderstand each other for the wrong reasons.
However, what I really meant to tell you was that the old man’s message was right. Do the right thing, and you’ll never be sorry.
Anyhow, I had the most wonderful dream this morning. It was about how I had to write something to the effect that I couldn’t deny that happiness was out there. I just had to take steps to find it.
Oh, and it’s official!!!! We have hit the goal! And you know what that means? My business is back in the black! Even with conference expenses. Now, that’s awesome.
But if I can give away my books AND raise money for the Red Cross, that would be majorly awesome. So please spread the word! All contributions go to the Red Cross. Not one cent goes to moi. And we know it’s not a bunch of possible liars with sob stories. Ha ha ha …
Now, just a few links of possible interest and I’ll shut up:
Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! …
PS: I’m on freaking Pinterest, okay! Here are some things I’ve pinned.
It’s a TARDIS fridge!!!
UPDATE: I’m giving away digital copies of RIPTIDE from Smashwords until Dec. 31. Just use the coupon code DJ28H at check out. Thank you and you’re welcome! Ha ha ha …
Hi there! I think it’s high time to drop the pretense that I’m a mid-list author, don’t you? In point of fact, I’m just a writer, period.
As a writer, I started this blog to establish an online presence. Now, given that I should be using my blog to reach readers, here’s some things you might like to know about Sam McRae, the protagonist in my mystery series. Please click there to “like” it on Facebook, okay?
Well, let me tell you, Stephanie Ann “Sam” McRae is a tough-talking, lawyer-sleuth, and champion for the underdog. The series is set in the Maryland suburbs, between Baltimore and Washington.
While Sam doesn’t seek out danger, it occasionally finds her. Having been orphaned while young, Sam is willing to go the distance for her clients, because she knows the system from both sides. As a result, she feels an intense loyalty and sense of duty to those in need.
Now, in case you’re wondering, the Baltimore-DC suburbs where Sam works look nothing like this …
In fact, here are actual headlines from the local news:
Apartment complex for homeless planned in North Laurel. Laurel, MD has a BIG homelessness problem. And lots of prostitutes doing business along Route One. Sam could get involved in a case related to those issues. Interested?
“In the final analysis, the whole cause of world revolution hinges on the revolutionary struggles of the Asian, African and Latin American people who make up the overwhelming majority of the world’s population”
Now, if you want to know more about the speech, I could say just click here for the details, but what the hey? I’ll cut and paste a bit. Why not?
Me, pretending to give my speech.
My husband took the photo. That’s not actually a mic! That’s a lamp. But it was all good. I spoke just fine. The crowd of about 20 or so was friendly, and they actually heard me. And I didn’t have to shout.
When I gave my speech, I had notes, but I hardly looked at them. Just now and then.
… “As you can tell from the cover, I write cozies.” And they laughed! Yay!
Mainly, I got the message across that authors needed to build their platforms through social media, so they can get name brand recognition. Creating books involves writing the best book you can write, not just writing crap as fast as possible and selling it cheap.
That’s why selling your work through Amazon’s KDP Select program is basically signing up to be a sweatshop worker. Now do you understand why I can no longer pretend that this here blog is my author blog?
Then, I realized I was a real writer. I had been all along, but I’d artificially separated my work from my life, by creating a blog based on a reality show. That’s how sadpatheticridiculous funny or whatever I thought my life was.
So … the bottom line is this blog is superfluous. Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to kill it. The blog will be preserved for posterity. But it must evolve into something more. Because my brand is the sum of all my blogs, but maintaining five blogs is just crazy!
BTW, while we were in the area, we stayed an extra night and toured downtown Richmond. Here are some photos.
33 years and still going strong. Aren’t we awesome?
Dec. 1 was the 33rd anniversary of our first date. Isn’t that crazy romantic AND awesome?
The awesome story about this flag is that the green represents the Catholic Irish, the orange represents the Protestants, and the white represents the hope of peace between them. Isn’t that awesome?
I think there’s a message in here for everyone, if you look for it. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.
“The prime goal is to alleviate suffering, and not to prolong life. And if your treatment does not alleviate suffering, but only prolongs life, that treatment should be stopped.”
Hi there! I’ll be on the road tomorrow, and I’ll be giving a speech at the Sisters in Crime, Richmond Chapter on Sat., Dec. 1, at Gayton Library, 10600 Gayton Rd., Henrico, VA. I’ve been practicing my speech, and I think it’s pretty damn good for a slightly impairedgimpycrazy shy person.
There are only 12 days left until the deadline, Dec. 10. Yikes! I’d really appreciate any support at all. Even $1. RTs and other support are great, too. Thank you!
Let’s quote the really weird awesome part, shall we?
Parnassus doesn’t sell ice. It does sell books, $2 million worth in the past year. Most were the old-fashioned kind, paper and ink.
Ask Patchett, 48, if she’s bucking a trend, and she defiantly says, “We are the trend.”
Until early last year, she had been busy enough just writing novels. Six in all, including her 1992 debut, The Patron Saint of Liars, set at a home for unwed mothers, and Bel Canto starring an American opera singer held hostage by Latin American terrorists, which won the PEN/Faulkner Award in 2001.
Her latest, State of Wonder, about a research scientist sent to find her former mentor who has disappeared in the Amazon, landed at No. 12 on USA TODAY’s Best-Selling Books list last year and spent 28 weeks in the top 150.
But these days the best-selling novelist is a part-time bookseller.
Patchett, who credits her business partner, Karen Hayes, for doing much of the real work, spends a few hours at the store usually every other day. When she’s there, she plays literary “matchmaker,” as she puts it, introducing readers to books, one at a time, “better than any computerized algorithm.”
Sure, Ann, sure. However, it certainly helps to have a BIG platform, live in a rich community and be able raise lots of dough. Furthermore, I don’t see your Amazon Single, THE GETAWAY CAR, mentioned here. Is that how you’re cleaning up, lady?
What Patchett and Hayes have created out of a former tanning salon in a shopping center four miles south of downtown may seem retro. It’s an airy 3,150-square-foot store with 22,000 books and one piano (donated by a local musician, it’s used for monthly concerts).
An average Barnes & Noble “superstore” has 26,000 square feet for 125,000 titles, a prominent display of its Nook e-readers, but no pianos. And both Amazon and BarnesandNoble.com offer millions of books online — often at discounted prices that Parnassus doesn’t offer.
Patchett and Hayes say size matters — the lack of it. They say their store is big enough to offer a variety of titles, but not so large that “we lose a sense of intimacy, a human scale,” Hayes says.
As part of the American Booksellers Association’s digital partnership with Kobo, the store offers e-books, but they account for less than 1% of sales. Nor does the store, unlike some independents, sell Kobo’s e-readers. Hayes says, “We’re focusing on what we know best: books.”
She acknowledges that in terms of price and convenience, the store can’t match its main competition, Amazon, the online retailer. In the past decade, Amazon’s share of the book market, both print and e-books, jumped from 8% to 31%, says Albert Greco, a Fordham University professor who studies the book industry.
Okay … hold the phone, lady. Your bookstore is supported by Kobo, and they need to sell Kobo devices in order to compete with Amazon. But you don’t carry them? And you’re supporting Amazon by selling your book exclusively through them?
“The Value of myth is that it takes all the things you know and restores to them the rich significance which has been hidden by the veil of familiarity.”
Hi there! What a weekend I had. Sheesh! Who could have predicted that my mother-in-law (who’s in the early stages of Alzheimer’s) would just up and vanish on Saturday? Thank heavens the cops found her in her car on the side of I-70 in Frederick, MD. She’d run out of freaking gas. So … we had to retrieve her car on Sunday, before I could post here.
Pretend this is me, racing home from Frederick, not smiling.
I was telling my neurologist about this on the phone today. My neurologist is awesome. He actually gives a damn about me. How many people can say that about their doctors?
All my doctors are awesome, actually. I must be really lucky good at picking doctors.
I’ve also been pecking away on my novel. And working on my speech for this Saturday in Richmond. Care to see a shitty outlined preview?
Well, here it comes:
Introduce myself, explain my series, the NYTimes list, etc.
Ask how many are considering self-publishing. Ask if they’re doing it to make a million dollars. I’m not here to tell you how to do that.
Never intended to make a career as a self-published author. My first novel was published by small press in 2005, but went out of print 9 months later when the publisher went under.
Shortly before the novel went out of print, I suffered a stroke and developed a rare movement disorder called dystonia.
Despite these setbacks, I kept writing freelance and fiction.
I decided to start a blog to establish an online presence. This eventually led to my starting three other blogs.
From 2005 to 2009, I wrote or revised three more novels, short stories, while freelancing and maintaining one to four blogs.
I submitted my work to agents and small presses, and kept doing so after I decided to bring my first novel back into print through Lulu.com in 2009. That’s when I started my fifth blog, My Life on the Mid-List.
In 2009, I also held a fundraiser for dystonia, wrote my first screenplay and took a dream vacation to Italy with my husband. Having a chronic health problem has taught me that life is way more precious than money, and that I need to live and do things while I can.
Around the time I got ready to publish through Lulu, I read about publishing ebooks for Kindle on Joe Konrath’s and Lee Goldberg’s blogs. I decided to do so.
I started off pricing my ebooks at $1.59, but dropped the price to $.99 to see if it would help sales. My sales shot through the roof. Naturally, they would compared to the prices charged by publishers, which were unreasonably high. And who wouldn’t try something new, if it was cheap? I was selling myself short, in the hopes of gaining greater exposure. I knew this wasn’t a sustainable business practice, but I hoped that I could come away with something to show for it.
When the New York Times announced it was going to include indie authors on its bestseller list, I kept my prices low and hoped, despite the scoffing of someone who won’t be named. When I actually hit the list, I couldn’t believe it. The whole experience seemed surreal, yet when I contacted local papers with press releases about the news, no one cared.
Here’s what it boils down to: the only reason I made the NY Times list was that I sold a whole lot of downloads cheap for Kindle and Nook. I get 4 and 5 star reviews, so I write the best books I can. I don’t pay for reviews. But I hit the market at the right time, too.
Early this year, I took a seminar on filmmaking, in which I learned about crowdfunding. I read about how other creative projects were being funded in this manner, so I decided to try doing so with my books.
There are examples of success stories, i.e., other writers who’ve funded books or series this way.
The power of the Internet was made clear to me when I reached a reader in England through blogging.
Amazon has used the publishing business’ bad business practices against it to take over. It’s obviously trying to become the one and only publisher, i.e., the ultimate gatekeeper.
I’ve chosen to make my work available to all readers, regardless of whether they prefer print or ebooks. Many will recommend that you sign up with Amazon’s Kindle Select Program, in order to make more money or better promote your work. I’ve chosen not to do this. My choice is to provide books for all readers, regardless of format or device they use. Signing with Kindle Select is no different than signing with a traditional publisher. The only thing that’s changed is the technology.
I believe authors need to focus on building their online platforms through the effective use of blogging and social media. They can start by wasting less time bitching talking to each other and spending more talking to readers.
Yet, the irony is that, because of the Internet, I’ve made friends in Ireland and England. I myself have sold books and made book donations around the world. Yet, I cannot overlook that Amazon has helped me get where I am today. So thank you, Amazon!
However, I’ve come to realize that I can’t depend on your largesse (sp?) forever. If I’m going to reach all readers, I must establish my own brand or platform. There are readers with Nooks, Kobos, plus Diesel, Sony and Apple products to consider.
There are only 14 days left until the deadline, Dec. 10.
Furthermore, if you’re on Facebook, please login and click the link below to vote in the Indiegogo Contest, which could win $500 for my Sam McRae Mystery Series Campaign. Vote now, if you can. It takes literally 5 seconds. Votes are due by Wednesday, but please vote now! I’m begging you. Just scroll down on the page and click the blue VOTE button. It would mean a lot, and if everyone who reads this clicks that blue button, it would surely make a difference! Click here or copy and paste the link!
What’s changed is the way they’re published and distributed.
Indie authors have been selling directly to readers long before Kindles existed. Just ask M. J. Rose. Miss Buzz, Balls & Hype.
So, real self-published authors don’t list exclusively with Amazon, because then they’re not self-published, anymore. They’re Amazon authors with no cover artist, editing, promotion or marketing support, other than Amazon’s algorithms.
And the publishing industry responds how? Slowly, of course. A little late in the game. Amazon is a huge technology company, and it’s about way more than just publishing now.
Now do you understand why I’m urging everyone to please, pretty please, whatever you do, don’t buy anything from Amazon on CyberMonday or anytime.
It’s time to choose. We all need to choose. I can’t do this alone. It’s up to you, the consumers. Are we going to let Amazon become the only retailer/bookseller/publisher/owner of the Internet/spy?
Caption this!
Big Brother loves you.
Please consider buying a Kobo or a Nook.
I’ve asked my husband for a Kobo for Christmas. Fuck Amazon.
Or consider supporting an indie author, a New York Times ebook bestselling indie author who isn’t famous, because I haven’t achieved notoriety.
You can do that by contributing to my Indiegogo campaign for the Sam McRae Mystery Series or my literacy and Sandy relief campaign. To be honest, my mystery series campaign needs all the help it can get. I’ve raised $520, and I’m trying to reach $5,000 by Dec. 10. Any RTs or other support would be greatly appreciated!
Even so, I just paid my NWU dues, because I do believe that writers are entitled to fair compensation for their work, even if they’re not famous. Which brings me to this post. Can you spot the troll?
And, before I forget and since I’ve probably pissed everyone off (except maybe Paul and Trevor and Meredith and Nina and the entire #teasercrew and Eric and David and Kathy with dystonia and Jay and Robert Best and Caren Kennedy and Louise Phillips and Tim Hallinan and Sasscer Hill and Karen McQuestion and Scott and Mary C, I hope, and Chris V and The Bloggess and my entire family and all my friends and authors that know and care about me — dammitall!!!!), if you’re on Facebook, please login and click the link below to vote in the Indiegogo Contest, which could win $500 for my Sam McRae Mystery Series Campaign. Vote now, if you can. It takes literally 5 seconds. Votes are due by Wednesday, but please vote now! I’m begging you. Just scroll down on the page and click the blue VOTE button. It would mean a lot, and if everyone who reads this clicks that blue button, it would surely make a difference! Click here or copy and paste the link!
Finally, let’s end with this horribly appropriate teaser and videos from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar. It’s all about evolution and survival of the fittest.
But remember, soon it will be Christmas. Thank you, Paul, for posting your suggestion and this quote and video in today’s teaser.
“I felt invincible. My strength was that of a giant. God was certainly standing by me. I smashed five saloons with rocks before I ever took a hatchet.”
Radical Temperance campaigner, Carrie Nation November 25, 1846 – June 9, 1911.
PS: Before you leave a comment, please read this post. Thanks!
Hi there! We went to Ireland and the UK this summer, and while we were in Scotland, I climbed 287 steps just to say I did it and get this picture and view!
However, I really do give all readers choices. My novels are available as ebooks here now. Thank you, Eamon Moroney, for the info about Bkclb.
So … after lunch, I took a walk with my husband, during which we discussed whether high school girls would refer to other students as “kids” or not. We have no kids, so I don’t know. Anyone out there know? Anyone with kids? LOL!
Then, I sat down and prepared a shitty rough outline of my speech for the Sisters in Crime, Richmond Chapter. And I still had time afterward to work on my novel and write this post. Because that’s my job, and I’m a blue collar writer, a blogger, and a happy fool.
And here’s the shitty rough outline. Read it and weep laugh or whatever.
Introduce myself, explain my series, the NYTimes list, etc.
Never intended to make a career as a self-published author. My first novel was published by small press in 2005, but went out of print 9 months later when the publisher went under.
Shortly before the novel went out of print, I suffered a stroke and developed a rare movement disorder called dystonia.
Despite these setbacks, I kept writing freelance and fiction. I submitted my work to agents and small presses, and kept doing so after I decided to bring my first novel back into print through Lulu.com.
Around the time I got ready to publish through Lulu, I read about publishing ebooks for Kindle on Joe Konrath’s and Lee Goldberg’s blogs. I decided to do so.
I started off pricing my ebooks at $1.59, but dropped the price to $.99 to see if it would help sales. My sales shot through the roof. Naturally, they would compared to the prices charged by publishers, which were unreasonably high. And who wouldn’t try something new, if it was cheap? I was selling myself short, in the hopes of gaining greater exposure. I knew this wasn’t a sustainable business practice, but I hoped that I could come away with something to show for it.
When the New York Times announced it was going to include indie authors on its bestseller list, I kept my prices low and hoped, despite the scoffing of someone who won’t be named. When I actually hit the list, I couldn’t believe it. The whole experience seemed surreal, yet when I contacted local papers with press releases about the news, no one cared.
Here’s what it boils down to: the only reason I made the NY Times list was that I sold a whole lot of downloads cheap for Kindle and Nook. I get 4 and 5 star reviews, so I write the best books I can. I don’t pay for reviews. But I hit the market at the right time, too.
Amazon has used the publishing business’ bad business practices against it to take over. It’s obviously trying to become the one and only publisher, i.e., the ultimate gatekeeper.
I assure you, the speech will go nothing like this one. There will be no tears. I’m no longer taking myself so seriously.
This blog will take a break for Thanksgiving. I’m grateful that I’m able to write and go places and do things. I have a loving husband and a funny sister and an awesome brother, and their kids are awesome. All of them. Each and every one. Please don’t make me type all the names. You know who you are.
UPDATE: Oh, crap! I forgot to mention that yesterday was World Toilet Day. Here’s a weirdlybizarrely curiously an appropriate tune for this post from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar.
And this quote:
“The principle, in building a sewer system, was of diverting the cause of the mischief to a locality where it can do no mischief.”
Hi there! The lovely lady in that tiny photo above is Jenny Milchman, who invited me to participate in The “Next Big Thing” Blog Pyramid Schemething. Well, naturally, I said yes, because I’m an idiot and a blogger.And here’s Jenny’s blog where she (or some other author she hoodwinked into doing this) does the “Next Big Thing” thing.
Okay, now my turn to answer the damn questions. Ha ha!
What is your working title of your book?
THE INVISIBLE GIRL
Where did the idea come from for the book?
The idea came to me while I was taking a shower, totally out of left field. I started hearing the voice of a 13-year-old kid telling me her story. So, when I finished in the shower, I wrote it down and it became the beginning of the book. From there, I started an outline and created a story that led up to an ending that I also wrote down, when I got the idea for the story.
What genre does your book fall under?
I have a hard time categorizing this one. Young adult suspense, I suppose.
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
To be honest, I have no idea. Except one character who the protagonist keeps comparing to Justin Bieber.
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Portia Maddox, the perennial new kid and an albino, is asked to spy on the boyfriend of the most popular girl at Jefferson Davis Junior High, only to learn that being a spy isn’t so easy, for a number of reasons.
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
At this point, I plan to self-publish it. However, I’m also submitting it to a small press.
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
About a year, more or less.
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
This is the first young adult book I’ve ever tried to write. It’s not really comparable to anything I’ve written up to now. This is a coming-of-age story that includes elements of mystery and suspense. The protagonist is much younger and more vulnerable than my hardboiled mystery series character, Sam McRae, a lawyer in her late 30s who knows the score. (Please consider contributing to my crowdfunding campaign for the series. Thanks! Commercial over. )
Who or what inspired you to write this book?
I’ve always enjoyed young adult novels, because I think that well-written ones appeal to readers of all ages. If the Harry Potter books proved anything, they certainly proved that. Not to mention Hunger Games and countless other books. Classic coming-of-age novels like To Kill a Mockingbird, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Catcher in the Rye, The Bell Jar and many other really depressing and/or funny books have inspired me to write this one.
I think to a great extent I was inspired by Karen McQuestion’s work. I’ve read two of her young adult novels, and her stories touched me deeply. I recall being reluctant to read one of her books for fear I might inadvertently copy her style, once I was able to work on my story. However, all writers have their own distinct voice when you come down to it, so it wasn’t a problem at all.
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
It’s the great American novel. For kids! Just kidding. Of course.
Let’s put it this way. If you ever felt like life wasn’t fair while you were growing up, you’ll probably enjoy this book.
******
That’s it. And now I foist this off pass the baton to the only blogger decent enough to who accepted my plea request for this thingy. Bill Gagliani will post his “Next Big Thing” post on Monday (I think). There were others who said they would’ve done it, but they were already taken. The rest either simply didn’t make have the time or didn’t bother to reply to me. Thanks, guys!
And thank you, Bill, for not making me show up here empty-handed! LOL!
Message for the tagged authors and interested others:
Rules of the Next Big Thing
***Do not use this format for your post. Use this one.
***Answer the ten questions about your current WIP (work in progress)
***Tag five other writers/bloggers and add their links so we can hop over and meet them.
Ten Interview Questions for the Next Big Thing:
What is your working title of your book?
Where did the idea come from for the book?
What genre does your book fall under?
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Who or what inspired you to write this book?
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Include the link of who tagged you and this explanation for the people you have tagged.
Be sure to line up your five people in advance. Way, way, way in advance. And be prepared to offer bribes incentives.
"Midlist is a term in the publishing industry which refers to books which are not bestsellers but are strong enough to economically justify their publication (and likely, further purchases of future books from the same author). The vast majority of total titles published are midlist titles, though they represent a much smaller fraction of total book sales, which are dominated by bestsellers and other very popular titles. Authors who consistently publish acceptable but not bestselling books are referred to as Midlist authors." ~ Wikipedia
It’s becoming painfully clear that this blog must be archived. It won’t be deleted. It will be preserved. As an example of … whatever. How to be a doofus? Ha ha ha … I don’t know.
