Reality Bites (Updated — Twice)

Hi there! Remember that? That’s one of the awesome things I’ve pinned on Pinterest. Ha ha ha …

I posted about it on this here blog, too.

Now … since I have five freaking blogs, and I explained about the last minute contribution here, I’m including that link on this blog. You’ll have to click there, read it and weep laugh or whatever!

I’m keeping this really short since I can barely type this post, okay?

I realized that I need to get my online shit together REALLY soon! I have control, and I make the decisions.

Time to reinvent myself.

However, I am seeking contributions for my literacy campaign on Indiegogo!

You can get copies of my novels if you make a tax-deductible contribution to my campaign! Awesome, yes? Please act swiftly. The deadline for meeting my $1,000 goal is Dec. 21. Any support in terms on RTs, FB or Google+ shares would be greatly appreciated.

BTW, I did manage to write a shitty first draft of the special acknowledgment section of the new edition of IDENTITY CRISIS. Here it is:

SPECIAL ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

No one gets anywhere in life without help from others. I’ve always felt lucky to have such a wonderful husband, family and friends. However, I’m starting to think maybe we choose wisely and that makes all the difference.

When I decided to self-publish this book, I never intended to make a living as a self-published author. However, things have changed and now I think it’s possible to do so. However, if you’re going to do it, you need to establish yourself as an author, in order to create a meaningful readership.

I’d like to thank the following people for providing early financial support for this edition of the book: Mac Cassity, Edward Adams, Debra Hoover-McDonald, Nancy Mack for herself and on behalf of Joyce Mack, Rick Iacangelo on behalf of Mary Louise Iacangelo, Karen McQuestion.

Now, this is just a shitty first draft, but you get the idea, right?

I’ll double-check to make sure all the names are named, of course.

Well … there is one unacknowledged name that bears mention. Jack Bludis always asks about him. Oh … what’s his name?

Bob Broomall! Right! Thank you, Bob. If you hadn’t told me that first novel (my “practice novel”) about Sam was “publishable”, I might never have believed any of this was possible.

As my funny sister would say, I think it’s a “highly punishable” story, and I’m in the process of punishing the shit out of it. Ha ha ha …

And now a few links of interest:

Are Apple maps dangerous?

Here’s why I don’t use speech recognition software, okay?

Welcome to my reality! I have a post-stroke movement disorder that has no cure. Don’t bitch to me about your little teeny problems. We all have problems, and the Dalai Lama can’t save the world. Sorry!

Kids are getting thinner. Awesome!

Thank you for this statement of the obvious.

How many ironies can you spot in this article?

Technology really is an asshole.

Oh, no! Not more cosmic jokes wars! :-O

RIP, Jenni Rivera.

A ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ Surprise.

Really, Guy Kawasaki? What kind of entrepreneur are you? Ha ha ha …

Here’s the Facebook Page for Cities in the Sky: Science-Fiction’s Forgotten Visionaries. I like it!

Dale Phillips’ new book release and big book giveaway! Really awesome!

And from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar, this awesome quote:

“If I have a thousand ideas and only one turns out to be good, I am satisfied.”

Alfred Nobel, 21 October 1833 – 10 December 1896

My problem was I had a head full of ideas that were driving me insane.

Now, I must take control and reinvent myself.

So … get ready for a surprise!

I’ve pinned that one under Music!

And finally thank you to everyone reading this. To quote paraphrase myself:

I just want to thank everyone who’s reading this. All my subscribers and frequent readers, because you’re so awesome for putting up with all my bullsh*t ridiculous posts. Even you casual readers who’ve stopped by, simply because the headline caught your eye or whatever. I’m grateful for the patronage of any other Internet hobos like myself. #gratitude

This has been a really lousy busy weird unusual week year full of epiphanies for me. So, I’d like to end the week this post with what I hope will be a really awesome gesture.

So … here’s a video I was lucky enough to get found on Twitter …

… and here’s another one.

I think they’re both awesome. I hope you enjoy them.

PS: I think we should all be forgiven for making mistakes when under pressure.

And, so … the Dude abides.

UPDATE: Imelda May is awesome!

UPDATE 2: Here’s to starting over!

 

Spike Lee Was Right (Updated)

A long time ago, when I was practicing law, I saw this movie. I’ve never forgotten it. It always reminded me of where I came from and how people misunderstand each other for the wrong reasons.

However, what I really meant to tell you was that the old man’s message was right. Do the right thing, and you’ll never be sorry.

Anyhow, I had the most wonderful dream this morning. It was about how I had to write something to the effect that I couldn’t deny that happiness was out there. I just had to take steps to find it.

Oh, and it’s official!!!! We have hit the goal! And you know what that means? My business is back in the black! Even with conference expenses. Now, that’s awesome.

But, wait, there’s more … here’s the Facebook Page for the series.

And here’s my big announcement from my sustainability blog.

I could ask you to click there and read it, but I’ll copy and paste the message.

Now, I’m going to seek contributions for this campaign for literacy and the Red Cross disaster relief efforts. My goal is to reach $1,000 by Dec. 21.

Do you see now why things must change in order for me to run a sustainable business?

But if I can give away my books AND raise money for the Red Cross, that would be majorly awesome. So please spread the word! All contributions go to the Red Cross. Not one cent goes to moi. And we know it’s not a bunch of possible liars with sob stories. Ha ha ha …

Now, just a few links of possible interest and I’ll shut up:

Suffer. Spend. Repeat. Think about it …

A vault for taking charge of your online life? Really? Whatever happened to personal responsibility? Are we just numbers now? I’m not. How many times? Ha!

Here’s why I don’t want a smartphone!

Especially now that we’re in such interesting times.

Yo, Adrian! I’m singin’!

Well … nobody expects a Spanish Jew. I guess. Ha ha ha …

Here’s an awesome Kickstarter project: Cities in the Sky, Sci-Fi’s Forgotten Visionaries. And it’s from Portland, OR, so what’s NOT to like.

25 Days of Holiday Music: Day 8 from Prophet or Madman. Awesome!

Finally, from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar, oh, the irony of it all!

“ … and we stand a better chance under that guise, because all the serious people, like Martin Luther King, and Kennedy, and Gandhi, got shot.”

John Lennon 9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980

And this article: Google, Amazon, Starbucks: the rise of ‘tax shaming’.

Well, I guess what comes around goes around. Or something. Ha ha ha …

Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! Shame on you! …

PS: I’m on freaking Pinterest, okay! Here are some things I’ve pinned.

It’s a TARDIS fridge!!!

UPDATE: I’m giving away digital copies of RIPTIDE from Smashwords until Dec. 31. Just use the coupon code DJ28H at check out. Thank you and you’re welcome! Ha ha ha …

 

 

Listen to the Goofy Blonde!

Me, speaking at the Gayton Library.

Hi there! That’s an actual photo of me speaking at the Gayton Library near Richmond, VA. My crappy dystonia-clenched hand is firmly planted on the podium. Isn’t that awesome?

And my hair even looks halfway decent. Not at all like a possible zombie. Ha ha ha …

Two NY Times bestselling authors in green shirts.

Now, if you want to know more about the speech, I could say just click here for the details, but what the hey? I’ll cut and paste a bit. Why not?

Me, pretending to give my speech.

My husband took the photo. That’s not actually a mic! That’s a lamp. But it was all good. I spoke just fine. The crowd of about 20 or so was friendly, and they actually heard me. And I didn’t have to shout.

When I gave my speech, I had notes, but I hardly looked at them. Just now and then.

I even held up this book at one point and mentioned that I’d said at another talk …

… “As you can tell from the cover, I write cozies.” And they laughed! Yay!

Mainly, I got the message across that authors needed to build their platforms through social media, so they can get name brand recognition. Creating books involves writing the best book you can write, not just writing crap as fast as possible and selling it cheap.

That’s why selling your work through Amazon’s KDP Select program is basically signing up to be a sweatshop worker. Now do you understand why I can no longer pretend that this here blog is my author blog?

Do you see the irony?

I chose to be happy, then I came up with a theory about life being a weird reality show created by cosmic producers.

Then, I realized I was a real writer. I had been all along, but I’d artificially separated my work from my life, by creating a blog based on a reality show. That’s how sad pathetic ridiculous funny or whatever I thought my life was.

I even mentioned the film seminar where I learned about crowdfunding and the Austin Film Festival and how I ran/hobbled down the alley with Frank Darabont talking about Raymond Chandler, while he was going to the award ceremony. And how I met Chris Carter.

So … the bottom line is this blog is superfluous. Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to kill it. The blog will be preserved for posterity. But it must evolve into something more. Because my brand is the sum of all my blogs, but maintaining five blogs is just crazy!

BTW, while we were in the area, we stayed an extra night and toured downtown Richmond. Here are some photos.

33 years and still going strong. Aren’t we awesome?

Dec. 1 was the 33rd anniversary of our first date. Isn’t that crazy romantic AND awesome?

Awesome fountain!

He loved animals.

That’s his name! Capt. Charles S. Morgan.

Cobblestone streets!!!

Awesome flag! Are my Irish roots showing?

Isn’t it ironic that we didn’t get a picture of that flag in Ireland.

Especially given the awesome story of the flag, which I’ve recounted here (and I quote):

The awesome story about this flag is that the green represents the Catholic Irish, the orange represents the Protestants, and the white represents the hope of peace between them. Isn’t that awesome?

I think there’s a message in here for everyone, if you look for it. I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

BTW, I’ve added another perk for big spenders to the Sam McRae Mystery Series Indiegogo campaign.

Please consider liking the Facebook page.

I’m also on Pinterest, and I still need to make a thingy for my sidebar! :-O

Now, here are some links of possible interest:

How long before your doctor refers you to a computer?

This will make seeing the world even harder. Thanks, assholes terrorists.

The revolution was televised.

Didn’t I say that on the other blog?

Finally, from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar, this horribly amazingly relevant quote and video:

“The prime goal is to alleviate suffering, and not to prolong life. And if your treatment does not alleviate suffering, but only prolongs life, that treatment should be stopped.”

Dr Christiaan Barnard

 

I’ll Be in Richmond on Saturday (Updated)

Hi there! I’ll be on the road tomorrow, and I’ll be giving a speech at the Sisters in Crime, Richmond Chapter on Sat., Dec. 1, at Gayton Library, 10600 Gayton Rd., Henrico, VA. I’ve been practicing my speech, and I think it’s pretty damn good for a slightly impaired gimpy crazy shy person.

Meanwhile, I’ve been thinking about all sorts of things.

I even came up with a great review for this book:

Unfortunately, I came up with it while we were going to an appointment to have my “lady garden” examined tended to. Ha ha ha …

Anyway, I’ve managed to review and practice my speech. I think it makes sense, and hopefully I’ll manage to talk into the mic and not whisper or shout.

You’ll have to excuse me if I fumble with my papers a bit. I’ve got a gamey (sp?) hand, so it’s hard to shuffle papers.

And my foot is also constantly clenching, so I tend to stumble. Thank heavens I’ve learned to take everything less seriously.

Pin that sucker!!! I’m on Pinterest now!

And … if you could. Here’s the Facebook Page for my Sam McRae Mystery Series. Please “like” it.

And if you could contribute to the Sam McRae Mystery Series Indiegogo campaign that would be most awesome!

There are only 12 days left until the deadline, Dec. 10. Yikes! I’d really appreciate any support at all. Even $1. RTs and other support are great, too. Thank you!

Here are some links of possible interest:

Ann Patchett’s bookstore thrives in digital age. As Paul would say … hmm …!

Let’s quote the really weird awesome part, shall we?

Parnassus doesn’t sell ice. It does sell books, $2 million worth in the past year. Most were the old-fashioned kind, paper and ink.

Ask Patchett, 48, if she’s bucking a trend, and she defiantly says, “We are the trend.”

Until early last year, she had been busy enough just writing novels. Six in all, including her 1992 debut, The Patron Saint of Liars, set at a home for unwed mothers, and Bel Canto starring an American opera singer held hostage by Latin American terrorists, which won the PEN/Faulkner Award in 2001.

Her latest, State of Wonder, about a research scientist sent to find her former mentor who has disappeared in the Amazon, landed at No. 12 on USA TODAY’s Best-Selling Books list last year and spent 28 weeks in the top 150.

But these days the best-selling novelist is a part-time bookseller.

Patchett, who credits her business partner, Karen Hayes, for doing much of the real work, spends a few hours at the store usually every other day. When she’s there, she plays literary “matchmaker,” as she puts it, introducing readers to books, one at a time, “better than any computerized algorithm.”

Sure, Ann, sure. However, it certainly helps to have a BIG platform, live in a rich community and be able raise lots of dough. Furthermore, I don’t see your Amazon Single, THE GETAWAY CAR, mentioned here. Is that how you’re cleaning up, lady?

What Patchett and Hayes have created out of a former tanning salon in a shopping center four miles south of downtown may seem retro. It’s an airy 3,150-square-foot store with 22,000 books and one piano (donated by a local musician, it’s used for monthly concerts).

An average Barnes & Noble “superstore” has 26,000 square feet for 125,000 titles, a prominent display of its Nook e-readers, but no pianos. And both Amazon and BarnesandNoble.com offer millions of books online — often at discounted prices that Parnassus doesn’t offer.

Patchett and Hayes say size matters — the lack of it. They say their store is big enough to offer a variety of titles, but not so large that “we lose a sense of intimacy, a human scale,” Hayes says.

As part of the American Booksellers Association’s digital partnership with Kobo, the store offers e-books, but they account for less than 1% of sales. Nor does the store, unlike some independents, sell Kobo’s e-readers. Hayes says, “We’re focusing on what we know best: books.”

She acknowledges that in terms of price and convenience, the store can’t match its main competition, Amazon, the online retailer. In the past decade, Amazon’s share of the book market, both print and e-books, jumped from 8% to 31%, says Albert Greco, a Fordham University professor who studies the book industry.

Okay … hold the phone, lady. Your bookstore is supported by Kobo, and they need to sell Kobo devices in order to compete with Amazon. But you don’t carry them? And you’re supporting Amazon by selling your book exclusively through them?

And I thought I was crazy. Ha!

There’s a message in here for everyone.

And from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar, a scene I sincerely hope won’t happen to me on this trip! Ha ha ha …

Meanwhile, I’ve learned that I’m not a complete techno-idiot, even if I’m a gimp.

So … upgrades are in the offing. Video via Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar again!

And finally, from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar, this awesome quote and video:

“Without The Miracles, Motown would not be the Motown it is today”

Berry Gordy Jr, born November 28, 1929

Thank you, Paul. You are a damn saint. But for your comment and my long-winded reply, I might never have seen the irony.

The awesome Paul.

Paul and me at THE Brentwood Library

UPDATE: I simply had to include these from today’s teaser post.

“The Value of myth is that it takes all the things you know and restores to them the rich significance which has been hidden by the veil of familiarity.”

C. S. Lewis,  29 November 1898 – 22 November 1963

And “When We Was Fab” — George Harrison was awesome.

“Hey, it’s a thingy. A fiendish thingy!”

“I know we’re here.”

“Not a bit like Cagney.”

Incidentally, there is a Brentwood, MD, too.

 

 

One Step at a Time (Updated — Twice)

Hi there! What a weekend I had. Sheesh! Who could have predicted that my mother-in-law (who’s in the early stages of Alzheimer’s) would just up and vanish on Saturday? Thank heavens the cops found her in her car on the side of I-70 in Frederick, MD. She’d run out of freaking gas. So … we had to retrieve her car on Sunday, before I could post here.

Pretend this is me, racing home from Frederick, not smiling.

I was telling my neurologist about this on the phone today. My neurologist is awesome. He actually gives a damn about me. How many people can say that about their doctors?

All my doctors are awesome, actually. I must be really lucky good at picking doctors.

I’ve also been pecking away on my novel. And working on my speech for this Saturday in Richmond. Care to see a shitty outlined preview?

Well, here it comes:

Introduce myself, explain my series, the NYTimes list, etc.

Ask how many are considering self-publishing. Ask if they’re doing it to make a million dollars. I’m not here to tell you how to do that.

Never intended to make a career as a self-published author. My first novel was published by small press in 2005, but went out of print 9 months later when the publisher went under.

Shortly before the novel went out of print, I suffered a stroke and developed a rare movement disorder called dystonia.

Despite these setbacks, I kept writing freelance and fiction.

I decided to start a blog to establish an online presence. This eventually led to my starting three other blogs.

From 2005 to 2009, I wrote or revised three more novels, short stories, while freelancing and maintaining one to four blogs.

I submitted my work to agents and small presses, and kept doing so after I decided to bring my first novel back into print through Lulu.com in 2009. That’s when I started my fifth blog, My Life on the Mid-List.

In 2009, I also held a fundraiser for dystonia, wrote my first screenplay and took a dream vacation to Italy with my husband. Having a chronic health problem has taught me that life is way more precious than money, and that I need to live and do things while I can.

Around the time I got ready to publish through Lulu, I read about publishing ebooks for Kindle on Joe Konrath’s and Lee Goldberg’s blogs. I decided to do so.

I started off pricing my ebooks at $1.59, but dropped the price to $.99 to see if it would help sales. My sales shot through the roof. Naturally, they would compared to the prices charged by publishers, which were unreasonably high. And who wouldn’t try something new, if it was cheap? I was selling myself short, in the hopes of gaining greater exposure. I knew this wasn’t a sustainable business practice, but I hoped that I could come away with something to show for it.

When the New York Times announced it was going to include indie authors on its bestseller list, I kept my prices low and hoped, despite the scoffing of someone who won’t be named. When I actually hit the list, I couldn’t believe it. The whole experience seemed surreal, yet when I contacted local papers with press releases about the news, no one cared.

Here’s what it boils down to: the only reason I made the NY Times list was that I sold a whole lot of downloads cheap for Kindle and Nook. I get 4 and 5 star reviews, so I write the best books I can. I don’t pay for reviews. But I hit the market at the right time, too.

Early this year, I took a seminar on filmmaking, in which I learned about crowdfunding. I read about how other creative projects were being funded in this manner, so I decided to try doing so with my books.

There are examples of success stories, i.e., other writers who’ve funded books or series this way.

The power of the Internet was made clear to me when I reached a reader in England through blogging.

Amazon has used the publishing business’ bad business practices against it to take over. It’s obviously trying to become the one and only publisher, i.e., the ultimate gatekeeper.

I’ve chosen to make my work available to all readers, regardless of whether they prefer print or ebooks. Many will recommend that you sign up with Amazon’s Kindle Select Program, in order to make more money or better promote your work. I’ve chosen not to do this. My choice is to provide books for all readers, regardless of format or device they use. Signing with Kindle Select is no different than signing with a traditional publisher. The only thing that’s changed is the technology.

I believe authors need to focus on building their online platforms through the effective use of blogging and social media. They can start by wasting less time bitching talking to each other and spending more talking to readers.

******

I think it’s time for me to stop chasing my own tail, and follow my own advice, don’t you?

This is why I love Penelope Trunk!

And here are other links of possible interest:

It’s probably not racist. Ha ha … Dude, nothing’s fucked. LOL! I’m joking, of course.

A life coach worth reading!

Cops are collecting cell phone logs.

Courts are divided on cell phone searches.

Can Oprah maintain her empire without a talk show?

Online buying is really clicking.

Am I just contributing to the problem? LOL!

What the fuck do you think? ROFL!!!!

Yet, the irony is that, because of the Internet, I’ve made friends in Ireland and England. I myself have sold books and made book donations around the world. Yet, I cannot overlook that Amazon has helped me get where I am today. So thank you, Amazon!

However, I’ve come to realize that I can’t depend on your largesse (sp?) forever. If I’m going to reach all readers, I must establish my own brand or platform. There are readers with Nooks, Kobos, plus Diesel, Sony and Apple products to consider.

So … here’s the Facebook Page for my Sam McRae Mystery Series. Please “like” it.

And if you could contribute to the Sam McRae Mystery Series Indiegogo campaign that would be most awesome!

There are only 14 days left until the deadline, Dec. 10.

Furthermore, if you’re on Facebook, please login and click the link below to vote in the Indiegogo Contest, which could win $500 for my Sam McRae Mystery Series Campaign. Vote now, if you can. It takes literally 5 seconds. Votes are due by Wednesday, but please vote now! I’m begging you. Just scroll down on the page and click the blue VOTE button. It would mean a lot, and if everyone who reads this clicks that blue button, it would surely make a difference! Click here or copy and paste the link!

http://bit.ly/10gHDXG

Thank you!

Giving Tuesday launched to help charities! Awesome.

Thank you to all who have believed in me. Really!

Thank you, Paul! You’re a saint.

I couldn’t play your Rolling Stones video in the teaser post, but I found these. Interesting!

Life’s too short, man. So, the Dude abides.

UPDATE: Check out all the cool stuff I’ve pinned. Awesome!

UPDATE 2: My books are now on Nook UK! Hurray!

Awesome!

 

Reasons to Be Grateful (Updated — Twice)

Aren’t we awesome?

Hi! I’ll get right to the point, since time is short and I can barely type this post.

Yesterday, I posted this on another blog, but I don’t think I got the full point across.

My point is that, in terms of selling books, there is nothing new here.

What’s changed is the way they’re published and distributed.

Indie authors have been selling directly to readers long before Kindles existed. Just ask M. J. Rose. Miss Buzz, Balls & Hype.

So, real self-published authors don’t list exclusively with Amazon, because then they’re not self-published, anymore. They’re Amazon authors with no cover artist, editing, promotion or marketing support, other than Amazon’s algorithms.

And the publishing industry responds how? Slowly, of course. A little late in the game. Amazon is a huge technology company, and it’s about way more than just publishing now.

Do you see now why the Amazon Studios presentation was such a buzz kill?

Amazon now wants to go into the spy business. Awesome.

Now do you understand why I’m urging everyone to please, pretty please, whatever you do, don’t buy anything from Amazon on CyberMonday or anytime.

It’s time to choose. We all need to choose. I can’t do this alone. It’s up to you, the consumers. Are we going to let Amazon become the only retailer/bookseller/publisher/owner of the Internet/spy?

Caption this!

Big Brother loves you.

Please consider buying a Kobo or a Nook.

I’ve asked my husband for a Kobo for Christmas. Fuck Amazon.

Here are a few links of possible interest:

Who’s the doofus now? Ha ha ha …

How gratitude can change your life.

Reasons NOT to buy books on Amazon.

I wish I’d fall into coma stop reading the news.

Support Small Business Saturday! Even on Sunday.

Or consider supporting an indie author, a New York Times ebook bestselling indie author who isn’t famous, because I haven’t achieved notoriety.

You can do that by contributing to my Indiegogo campaign for the Sam McRae Mystery Series or my literacy and Sandy relief campaign. To be honest, my mystery series campaign needs all the help it can get. I’ve raised $520, and I’m trying to reach $5,000 by Dec. 10. Any RTs or other support would be greatly appreciated!

And here’s the series FB page. Please like it.

I’m an unknown NY Times bestselling author, because I haven’t established a legacy. That’s what authors really want. That’s why real writers do it for more than just money.

Even so, I just paid my NWU dues, because I do believe that writers are entitled to fair compensation for their work, even if they’re not famous. Which brings me to this post. Can you spot the troll?

Don’t worry, I forgive the troll. Ha ha ha …

But I know who you are. Ha ha ha …

And, just so you know — again! — I’m on Pinterest now. Here’s something I pinned under Words to Live By.

It’s even my quotation for the week!

And, before I forget and since I’ve probably pissed everyone off (except maybe Paul and Trevor and Meredith and Nina and the entire #teasercrew and Eric and David and Kathy with dystonia and Jay  and Robert Best and Caren Kennedy and Louise Phillips and Tim Hallinan and Sasscer Hill and Karen McQuestion and Scott and Mary C, I hope, and Chris V and The Bloggess and my entire family and all my friends and authors that know and care about me — dammitall!!!!), if you’re on Facebook, please login and click the link below to vote in the Indiegogo Contest, which could win $500 for my Sam McRae Mystery Series Campaign. Vote now, if you can. It takes literally 5 seconds. Votes are due by Wednesday, but please vote now! I’m begging you. Just scroll down on the page and click the blue VOTE button. It would mean a lot, and if everyone who reads this clicks that blue button, it would surely make a difference! Click here or copy and paste the link!

http://bit.ly/10gHDXG

Thank you!

Thanksgiving tidings from World O’ Crap!

This isn’t good news for indie filmmakers anyone.

Finally, let’s end with this horribly appropriate teaser and videos from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar. It’s all about evolution and survival of the fittest.

But remember, soon it will be Christmas. Thank you, Paul, for posting your suggestion and this quote and video in today’s teaser.

“I felt invincible. My strength was that of a giant. God was certainly standing by me. I smashed five saloons with rocks before I ever took a hatchet.”

Radical Temperance campaigner, Carrie Nation November 25, 1846 – June 9, 1911.

PS: Before you leave a comment, please read this post. Thanks!

UPDATE: Remember, we are the sum total of our choices, and I choose to be a happy fool. Was Hunter Thompson right?

UPDATE 2: Oops! Sorry, I forgot to include The Top 20 Black Friday and Cyber Monday Green Holiday Gift Deals! Green alternatives to Amazon. Which blog am I on?

Oh, yeah. Has climate change really killed Thanksgiving? As if.

 

Pretending is Not Awesome (Update)

This is me.

Hi there! We went to Ireland and the UK this summer, and while we were in Scotland, I climbed 287 steps just to say I did it and get this picture and view!

I did it despite all the obstacles I posted about here.

Today, I begged and pleaded sought more contributions for my Sam McRae Mystery Series campaign.

And please consider contributing to my literacy and Sandy relief campaign.

Here’s my Sam McRae Series Facebook Page. Please, pretty please, “like” it.

However, I really do give all readers choices. My novels are available as ebooks here now. Thank you, Eamon Moroney, for the info about Bkclb.

So … after lunch, I took a walk with my husband, during which we discussed whether high school girls would refer to other students as “kids” or not. We have no kids, so I don’t know. Anyone out there know? Anyone with kids? LOL!

Mr. Teachbad? Any help?

Are you too famous to help me? Ha ha ha …

Then, I sat down and prepared a shitty rough outline of my speech for the Sisters in Crime, Richmond Chapter. And I still had time afterward to work on my novel and write this post. Because that’s my job, and I’m a blue collar writer, a blogger, and a happy fool.

And here’s the shitty rough outline. Read it and weep laugh or whatever.

Introduce myself, explain my series, the NYTimes list, etc.

Never intended to make a career as a self-published author. My first novel was published by small press in 2005, but went out of print 9 months later when the publisher went under.

Shortly before the novel went out of print, I suffered a stroke and developed a rare movement disorder called dystonia.

Despite these setbacks, I kept writing freelance and fiction. I submitted my work to agents and small presses, and kept doing so after I decided to bring my first novel back into print through Lulu.com.

Around the time I got ready to publish through Lulu, I read about publishing ebooks for Kindle on Joe Konrath’s and Lee Goldberg’s blogs. I decided to do so.

I started off pricing my ebooks at $1.59, but dropped the price to $.99 to see if it would help sales. My sales shot through the roof. Naturally, they would compared to the prices charged by publishers, which were unreasonably high. And who wouldn’t try something new, if it was cheap? I was selling myself short, in the hopes of gaining greater exposure. I knew this wasn’t a sustainable business practice, but I hoped that I could come away with something to show for it.

When the New York Times announced it was going to include indie authors on its bestseller list, I kept my prices low and hoped, despite the scoffing of someone who won’t be named. When I actually hit the list, I couldn’t believe it. The whole experience seemed surreal, yet when I contacted local papers with press releases about the news, no one cared.

Here’s what it boils down to: the only reason I made the NY Times list was that I sold a whole lot of downloads cheap for Kindle and Nook. I get 4 and 5 star reviews, so I write the best books I can. I don’t pay for reviews. But I hit the market at the right time, too.

Amazon has used the publishing business’ bad business practices against it to take over. It’s obviously trying to become the one and only publisher, i.e., the ultimate gatekeeper.

I assure you, the speech will go nothing like this one. There will be no tears. I’m no longer taking myself so seriously.

Can you see the apocalypse coming?

This blog will take a break for Thanksgiving. I’m grateful that I’m able to write and go places and do things. I have a loving husband and a funny sister and an awesome brother, and their kids are awesome. All of them. Each and every one. Please don’t make me type all the names. You know who you are.

You are more important to me than anything.

I miss my dead friend, Bill, so much. But then I think of Paul, who really is so much like Bill it’s scary awesome. However, there’s a huge body of water between us. So all I can do is blog, tweet, FB and wave like mad. *waving*

Paul, Trevor and me at Cafe Nero.

Paul and me at THE Brentwood Library.

PS: This is what death looks like.

This isn’t.

PPS: Here’s stuff I pinned. Whoopee!

PPPS: From Publishers Lunch, 11/16/12, and I quote:

“Forbes has named Amazon ceo Jeff Bezos as their businessperson of the year, featured on the magazine’s cover. Hey normal, take that.”

Here I thought I was the doofus!

Is this man the Devil?

Isn’t there a saying that the greatest trick the Devil pulled off was convincing the world he didn’t exist? Or words to that effect.

Please, pretty please, if you buy an ereader as a Christmas gift, buy a Kobo.

Help us Hiroshi Mikitani, you may be our only hope.

Our salvation?

Print books also make great gifts, if you’d like to contribute to either of my noble campaigns. Thank you!

PPPPS: For Trevor. Richard the Lionheart.

Richard the First, aka the Lionheart

He reminds me of this man.

UPDATE: Oh, crap! I forgot to mention that yesterday was World Toilet Day. Here’s a weirdly bizarrely curiously an appropriate tune for this post from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar.

And this quote:

“The principle, in building a sewer system, was of diverting the cause of the mischief to a locality where it can do no mischief.”

Sir Joseph Bazalgette.

Is there a metaphor in there somewhere? I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

Could this be a good sign?

Go Terps!

 

The ‘Next Big Thing’

Jenny M

Hi there! The lovely lady in that tiny photo above is Jenny Milchman, who invited me to participate in The “Next Big Thing” Blog Pyramid Scheme thing. Well, naturally, I said yes, because I’m an idiot and a blogger. And here’s Jenny’s blog where she (or some other author she hoodwinked into doing this) does the “Next Big Thing” thing.

Okay, now my turn to answer the damn questions. Ha ha!

What is your working title of your book?

THE INVISIBLE GIRL

Where did the idea come from for the book?

The idea came to me while I was taking a shower, totally out of left field. I started hearing the voice of a 13-year-old kid telling me her story. So, when I finished in the shower, I wrote it down and it became the beginning of the book. From there, I started an outline and created a story that led up to an ending that I also wrote down, when I got the idea for the story.

What genre does your book fall under?

I have a hard time categorizing this one. Young adult suspense, I suppose.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

To be honest, I have no idea. Except one character who the protagonist keeps comparing to Justin Bieber.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Portia Maddox, the perennial new kid and an albino, is asked to spy on the boyfriend of the most popular girl at Jefferson Davis Junior High, only to learn that being a spy isn’t so easy, for a number of reasons.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

At this point, I plan to self-publish it. However, I’m also submitting it to a small press.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

About a year, more or less.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

This is the first young adult book I’ve ever tried to write. It’s not really comparable to anything I’ve written up to now. This is a coming-of-age story that includes elements of mystery and suspense. The protagonist is much younger and more vulnerable than my hardboiled mystery series character, Sam McRae, a lawyer in her late 30s who knows the score. (Please consider contributing to my crowdfunding campaign for the series. Thanks! Commercial over. )

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

I’ve always enjoyed young adult novels, because I think that well-written ones appeal to readers of all ages. If the Harry Potter books proved anything, they certainly proved that. Not to mention Hunger Games and countless other books. Classic coming-of-age novels like To Kill a Mockingbird, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Catcher in the Rye, The Bell Jar and many other really depressing and/or funny books have inspired me to write this one.

I think to a great extent I was inspired by Karen McQuestion’s work. I’ve read two of her young adult novels, and her stories touched me deeply. I recall being reluctant to read one of her books for fear I might inadvertently copy her style, once I was able to work on my story. However, all writers have their own distinct voice when you come down to it, so it wasn’t a problem at all.

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

It’s the great American novel. For kids! Just kidding. Of course.

Let’s put it this way. If you ever felt like life wasn’t fair while you were growing up, you’ll probably enjoy this book.

******

That’s it. And now I foist this off pass the baton to the only blogger decent enough to who accepted my plea request for this thingy. Bill Gagliani will post his “Next Big Thing” post on Monday (I think). There were others who said they would’ve done it, but they were already taken. The rest either simply didn’t make have the time or didn’t bother to reply to me. Thanks, guys!

And thank you, Bill, for not making me show up here empty-handed! LOL!

Message for the tagged authors and interested others:

Rules of the Next Big Thing
***Do not use this format for your post. Use this one.
***Answer the ten questions about your current WIP (work in progress)
***Tag five other writers/bloggers and add their links so we can hop over and meet them.

Ten Interview Questions for the Next Big Thing:
What is your working title of your book?
Where did the idea come from for the book?
What genre does your book fall under?
Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?
Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?
How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?
What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?
Who or what inspired you to write this book?
What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?
Include the link of who tagged you and this explanation for the people you have tagged.

Be sure to line up your five people in advance. Way, way, way in advance. And be prepared to offer bribes incentives.

Pretend my hand is holding this …

 

This is an Unreal Post (Updated)

Hi there! I really am an idiot. Only an idiot would try to write novels, screenplays and maintain five blogs.

Especially, someone as gimpy technically-challenged stupid busy happy as I am. #iamfoolish

Now, for good or ill, these blogs are my platform, as I describe in my monthly column.

Anyway, I found out today that someone we knew had to have his leg amputated due to a freak accident. And I thought, my God! But I also thought, well, at least he doesn’t have to be tortured constantly. LOL!

I spent the morning begging for spare change seeking contributions on the Internet for this campaign and this campaign.

Here’s the Facebook Page for the Sam McRae Mystery Series.

Then, my husband and I went for a walk. And he’s all worried about our annual doctor’s exams. Like I could give a shit if I live or die at this point. I told him, don’t worry, be happy, I’m sure we’re fine.

He noticed I seemed to be doing my heel-to-toe walking on my gimpy foot better now. I still need to concentrate to do it, but I think he’s right.

Then, we came home and I wrote more words on my fourth novel. Hurray! And I have a writers group tonight. So I need to blog as fast as my gimpy fingers will allow I can.

BTW, Simon Wood has asked me to spread the good news about his book deal with Amazon’s Thomas & Mercer. So I have. Twice.

And, thank you to The Bloggess for responding to my DM request for a RT!

I should have realized that requesting your RT would be like … asking someone to do something for me just because they were famous. Ha ha ha …

We’re all human beings, right?

I think I’ve actually already blogged this.

Self-published author Cora Carmack has signed a three-book deal.

Here’s her blog.

National book award winners revealed.

Does anyone give a damn? #justsaying

Big news! My nephew has a blog now. Read it and weep laugh or whatever.

PS: I found this horrible weird appropriate scary article while doing some research for my novel. That is one sick cosmic joke.

So … let’s finish up with this horribly appropriate quote from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar:

“The higher Nilus swells, The more it promises; as it ebbs, the seedsman
 Upon the slime and ooze scatters his grain, 
And shortly comes the harvest.”

William Shakespeare’s Anthony and Cleopatra, Act II, Scene 7, Line 23

And the perfect video …

PPS: Before anyone leaves a comment, please read this post. And, please note, I’ve dropped the twine since then.

Pretend I’m holding a key to a real TARDIS.

It’s a TARDIS!

UPDATE: I was in such a damned hurry to finish, because I type so fucking slow and dinner was almost ready that I forgot to mention that I told my husband I loved him so much while we were walking. Just like that.

And he also accidentally kicked the cat carrier over when he brought one of our cats back from the vet today. And the carrier tumbled down the driveway, which is really steeply sloped. And the poor kitty, who’s name is Marnie, was so scared, she peed in the carrier.

So … at dinner tonight, my husband wondered, at what point exactly do you suppose she actually peed in the carrier? And it made me think of a story my dead friend Bill used to tell me about a guy falling down some stairs at a party and everyone laughing at him until he gets to the bottom and it turns out that he’s dead. My friend Bill would say, “When did it stop being funny?”

Does anyone know?

 

 

I’m Just Getting Started (Updated)

Pretend this is me.

Hi there! Yesterday, I gave myself (or maybe my dead father gave me) a pat on the back for possibly doing well this year.

I’m thrilled to say I’ve already started work on the fourth Sam McRae novel. The working title is DEEP SIX. Yes, my writers group is familiar with this one. However, I’ve learned so much since I first wrote it. Basically, it’s a shitty first draft that can be published.

Because writing isn’t just writing stuff down and publishing it. It’s rewriting it, until it sings.

I assure you DEEP SIX is, as my funny sister would say, “a highly punishable” story. And I will punish it for all it’s worth, until it’s ready to be published.

Meanwhile, please “like” the Sam McRae Mystery Series FB page.

Which is not a trilogy. You can help make this a four-book series by contributing to this crowdfunding project.

I have 28 days left to meet my $5,000 goal. Yikes! Will you consider making a small contribution?

I’ve also launched another campaign in which all donations will go to the Red Cross disaster relief effort. I’m giving out my books in exchange for contributions, in order to promote literacy, while supporting the Red Cross.

Got that?

And now, because I’m way too gimpy busy happy to type any more, here are some links of possible interest:

Philip Roth has called it quits.

Philip Roth quits.

At 97, Herman Wouk still has a book or two left.

Herman Wouk hasn’t quit.

At 101, Martha Ann Miller publishes her autobiography.

Way to go, Martha Ann!! You’re awesome!!!

Happily ever after? Not always the best ending. (Thanks, Tim Sunderland!)

Tim Sunderland

Okay, normally, I don’t share my shitty first drafts with anyone other than my writers group. But just to show you I’m serious about starting the fourth novel, here’s the shitty start. See what you think, okay? Remember it’s just a shitty first draft, okay?

Prologue

I once spent the night with six prostitutes.

It’s not what you’re thinking. In fact, I’m probably not who you’re thinking either. I’m Stephanie Ann McRae, better known to most people as Sam, the nickname I created from my initials. As you may have gathered, I’m a woman. I’m also a lawyer, in my late 30s and single, but not inclined to use the services of the world’s oldest profession.

The prostitutes and I spent our night in mutual discomfort in a holding cell in Landover, Maryland. It was my first, and hopefully last, time in jail.

If I learned one thing from the experience, it’s that I wouldn’t last a minute in prison. I also learned that I can’t pee when other people are watching.

Once I was in lockup, I spent a good deal of time pacing along the bars. Then I tried leaning against the bars. They started wearing grooves in my arms, so I switched to a wall that might have been beige somewhere under the grime and obscene graffiti. How did the graffiti get there? Smuggled crayons?  I mulled this over a bit, then went back to pacing. I avoided eye contact with my fellow inmates, having no desire to strike up a conversation. I think the feeling was mutual.

After a few hours of this, I tried to get what little sleep would come sitting on the cold concrete floor, knees up and huddled, keeping a shirtsleeve between myself and the filthy wall. I managed a half-doze, but kept getting snapped back awake by one of the prostitutes, who had a cough of tuberculin vigor, and a retching drug addict who’d joined the party late, but gotten a head start on celebrating.

Walt finally managed to spring me around 4:30 a.m. Even Walt Shapiro, one of the county’s finest criminal defense attorneys, must have had his work cut out for him that night.

You see, several hours before, I’d shot someone.

1

Ten days earlier

I could think of better things to do on a sunny morning in early May than to sit at a shabby desk in my small, sublet office waiting for the phone to ring and going over my severely diminishing law office’s financials. But the latter made the former necessary. So I opened the window to allow myself a taste of the mild spring, which would soon enough transform into a sullen, hot Maryland summer.

Law can be a seasonal business. Thanksgiving and Christmas are often a bust—people are too busy to bother with legal matters—but afterwards, look out. There’s usually a run on divorces wrought by dysfunctional holiday “cheer” and both criminal and personal injury cases resulting from too much holiday drinking. For whatever reason, I’d been experiencing an extended drought in business since the end of last October. Where are all the drunk drivers and assault perpetrators, I grumbled to myself. Or, much as I hated handling divorce and custody cases, I’d settle for a miserable spouse or two. Or someone hopelessly mangled in a car wreck. I grimaced at my thoughts. Only a lawyer would suffer such longings. But I was struggling to cover my overhead, plus unanticipated repairs to my car. My billables were a joke, but I wasn’t laughing.

I looked out the window onto Laurel, Maryland’s historic Main Street, all beautifully restored with brick and flowering trees lining the street. This part of town was the heart of old Laurel, what remained of a time that had long given way to suburban sprawl and houses of ticky-tacky, as the song goes. I could stand here looking out the window all day thinking about that or I could sit at my desk and think about that. But I couldn’t go out and chase ambulances or hand out business cards at funerals. I could advertise on the Internet. I could tell people all about myself and what I do. But I couldn’t force them to hire me.

So I did what I could to pay the bills. I sat at my desk, kept my books, ran an honest business and waited for the phone to ring. I turned from the window, went back to my desk and landed in my chair. Thud. Then the phone rang.

When the phone rang, I nearly answered, “Sam McRae, will represent you for food.”

I settled on my usual greeting instead. “Law offices.” Like I have more than one. One that I sublet, no less. Funny.

“Sam? Sam McRae, is that you?”

The voice was vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Was it a former client? “Yes,” I answered. Hopefully, not a former client with a complaint.

“Oh, my gosh, Sam. It’s been forever, but this is Linda Parker. Remember me?”

***

Okay, that’s it. But I’m just getting started, and the fact that I can type at all is awesome.

No joke.

And thank you Robert Crais! You really are my hero!

I’m not the doofus anymore.

And thank you everyone at Bouchercon this year! Including Carla Buckley. OMG! I forgot to mention Carla, who I hadn’t seen in like forever. So I’m mentioning you now.

Remember your first book signing?

Yeah, I was the doofus, all right. Ha ha ha …

BTW, I learned only today that my husband’s cousin knows Rob Siders, who owns 52 Novels. Small world, huh, Paul?

So … Rob, if you talk to Joe Konrath, please ask him if we can set aside our differences, if they exist.

Pretend I’m holding an olive branch or a drink.

I also submitted my screenplay to this contest. Isn’t that awesome?

Pretend this is me, writing.

RIP, Valerie Eliot.

The naming of cats is a difficult matter …

But I loves me some cats!

Finally, let’s wind up with this most appropriate quote from Nik Nak’s Old Peculiar:

“We are attempting to survive our time so we may live into yours.”

Part of President Jimmy Carter’s message on the Voyager 1 and 2 records.

Not to mention this highly appropriate song.

UPDATE: One more thing. Here’s an Indiegogo campaign “Send my cancer-mother on holiday”. Eric’s mom lost her breast to cancer, she’s gone through chemo and so on. Please click the link, so I don’t have to type anymore, because it explains everything. Thank you!