Hi there! :) In the interest of saving time, let’s skip the bullsh*t and get down to brass tacks. It has come to my attention that someone named Edan Lepucki has written an article with a list of reasons not to self-publish in 2011-2012.

Well … I’m not in the business of defending self-publishing, anymore. I’m completely done with all that nonsense.

I will say that quite clearly I’m not a hater, as is obvious if you read the post(s) I’ve done in support of indie booksellers, as well as the one I wrote in support of publishers when I did my blog tour (oh, so long ago).

Hell, I even appeared on a panel with a couple of publishing industry pros, Gina Panettieri and Libby Jordan, and they were awesome! :)

I do not hate anyone in this business. Period.

As for “baring my talons” over the whole literary fiction thing, I’ve never done that, either. I enjoy both genre and non-genre/literary/whatever-you-want-to-call-it fiction.

I think that’s obvious, if you take a look at the books I’ve reviewed over the years at this blog. I read a lot of crime fiction, but not just crime fiction.

And I don’t think it makes a difference which one you write from a self-publishing standpoint.

I’m also not being published by a vanity press. Ahem! I’m completely self-published. Hello!

Oh, and that complete crap silly business about self-publishing being better for the previously published?

Is that why my second novel hit the Top 100 on Amazon less than 2 months after its release? Is that why my first novel followed suit shortly thereafter?

Care to explain how my first novel also ended up on the New York Times ebook fiction bestseller list? Twice?

Or the great success of both my novels in the UK, particularly LEAST WANTED, which hit the Top 10 on Amazon UK last summer?

Do I value the publishing community? Well, duh! Yes.

Whoa! Take a gander at Reason #6: “I don’t want to be Amazon’s Bitch”

Now … let’s think about this, shall we?

First, define your terms. What do you mean by “Amazon’s Bitch”?

Does the term mean a person who’s willing to do or say anything at all in order to appease or gratify Amazon?

Does it mean an author who is so grateful for any bone that Amazon has thrown his or her way that he/she won’t ever be anything but a complete suck up loyal to nobody, but Amazon forever?

If that’s what you mean, Ms. Lepucki, then I can assure you that I am most definitely not Amazon’s bitch.

I suggest you read this post. Then, read this one. And this one.

And here’s my first post of the new year. Now, do I sound like Amazon’s bitch?

However, assuming you meant that I depend upon Amazon for most of my income, this is a fact. But it’s one that applies as much to you as to me.

Amazon is the mammoth online retailer. Readers buy a whole sh*tload of books from Amazon. I assume that would include your book, too.

Now, don’t go telling me that your support for indie bookstores somehow makes a difference. That’s not the issue, is it? By and large, I’ll bet your readers are buying books online, just like everyone else. And guess where most of them go to buy them.

And I’m willing to bet that just like other authors, you take a peek now and then at your Amazon ranking. To check your sales. Right? ;)

Every author’s guilty little secret pleasure is to see a jump in Amazon rank. Admit it, Ms. Lepucki. You love it, too.

So … who’s Amazon’s bitch? Is it really self-published authors? Is it all authors (myself included — notice how I measure my sales success in terms of Amazon rank, except for the NY Times bestseller list, which I ascribe to my Amazon and Nook sales)? Is it all book lovers? And what will happen if Amazon becomes the only publisher and retailer? What happens then?

Do I sound like Amazon’s bitch now? :)

Do you see the irony?

BTW, it’s perfectly okay to publish ebooks without owning an ereader. I did. And so did you. Or your publisher. Apparently. And water is just as bad for paper as electronic gadgets. You know that, right?

And, hey, two pages is better than nothing. No one knows this better than me. Of course, I’m busy writing, blogging, marketing, promoting, reviewing, preparing to self-publish my books, etc., etc. Because I run a writing business. And I’m a freaking gimp bit overwhelmed these days, but I consider myself a blue collar writer.

Finally, and apropos of nothing, two really awesome things:

Kathy Griffin in Times Square, half-naked. :)

Plus Weird Al Yankovic and some amazing rock stars having the most memorable New Year’s Eve ever!